Secondly, I fear I am a hypocrite, saith the tempted soul ; why else are there such decays and declensions to be found in me .' It is the character of the upright that he goes from strength to strength, but I go backward from strength to weakness. Some Christians are like those that we call close men in the world ; if they lose anything in their trade, and all goes not as they would have it, we are sure to hear of that over and over again ; they speak of their losses in every company ; but when they make a good market, and gains come in apace, they keep this to themselves, not forward to speak of them. If Christians would be ingenuous, they should tell what they get, as what they lose. But taking it for granted that thou dost find a decay, we direct our answer to it.
Ans. 1. I grant it as true, that the sincere soul grows stronger and stronger; but how ? Even as the tree grows higher and bigger, which we know meets with a fall of the leaf, and winter, that for a while intermits its growth ; thus the sincere soul may be put to a present stand by some temptation, as Peter, who was far from growing stronger when he fell from professing to denying, from denying Christ to swearing and cursing if he knew him ; yet as the tree, when spring comes revives and gains more in the sinnmer than it loseth in the winter, so doth the sincere soul, as we see in Peter, whose grace, that squatted in for a while, came forth with such a force, that no cruelty from men could drive it in ever after ; shaking temptations end in settlement, according to the apostle's prayer, 1 Pet. v. 10 : ' The God of all grace, after ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.'
2. There is great difference between the decay of a sincere soul, and of a hypocrite. The hypocrite declines out of an inward dislike of the ways of God ; hence they are called 'backsliders in heart,' Prov. xiv. 14. So long as they served his lust, and contributed any help to the obtaining his worldly interest, so long he had a seeming zeal ; but that argument taken away, he begins to remit by degrees, till he comes to be key-cold, yea, as heartily sick of his pro- fession as Amnon of Tamar ; when the hypocrite begins to fall, he goes apace, like a stone down the hill, knows no ground but the bottom. Now speak freely, poor soul, darest thou say that there is an inward dislike to the ways of God ! May be thou dost pray not with that heat and fervency which thou hast, but is it because thou dost not like the duty as formerly ? Thou dost not hear the word with such joy, b\it dost thou not therefore hear it with more sorrow? In a word, canst thou not say with the spouse, ' When thou sleepest, thy heart waketh,' Cant. v. 2 ; that is, thou art not pleased with thy present declining state, but heartily wishest thou wert out of it ; as one that hath a great desire to rise and be at his work, his heart is awake, but he is not able at present to shake oft' that sleep which binds him down ; this will clear thee from being a hypocrite.
Thirdly, I fear, saith the poor soid, I am a hypocrite, because I have such a divided heart in the duties I perform ; I cannot for my life enjoy any privacy with God in dutv, but some base lust will be crowding into my thoughts when I am at prayer, hearing of the word, or meditating ; now I am lifted up with a self-applauding thought, anon cast down to the earth with a worldly thought : what with one and another, little res])ite have I from such company. And do such vermin breed anywhere but in the dunghill of a false hypocritical heart?
^7is. Woe were it to tlie best saints, if the mere rising and stirring of such thoughts as these, or worse than these, did prove the heart unsound ; take heed thou concludest not thy state therefore from the presence of these in thee, but from the comportment and behaviour of tliy heart towards them. Answer therefore to these few interrogatories, and possibly thou mayestsee thy sincerity through the mist these have raised in thy soul.
First, What friendly welcome have such thoughts with thee, when they present themselves to thee in duty ? Arc these the guests thou hast expected,
252 HAVING YOUR LOINS