Fifthly, The fearful expectation of wrath to come, which it be- gets in the soul of a guilty sinner : Of this you read, Heb. x. 27. " A fearful looking for of judgment, and fiery indignation.'1 And this makes the stoutest sinner faint and sink under the burthen of sin. For the tongue of man cannot declare what it is to lie down and rise with those fearful expectations. The case of such sinners is somewhat like that which is described in Deut. xxviii. 65, 66, 67. 66 The Lord shall give thee a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, " and sorrow of mind. And thy life shall hang in doubt before M thee, and thou shalt fear day and night, and shall have no assu- " ranee of thy life. In the morning thou shalt say, would to God " it were even : And at even thou shalt say, would to God it were " morning : For the fear of thine heart, wherewith thou shalt " fear," &c. Only in this it differs, in this scripture you have the terror of those described, whose temporal life hangs in doubtful suspense, but in the persons I am speaking of, it is a trembling under the apprehensions and expectations of the vengeance of eternal fire.
Believe it, friends, words cannot express what those poor crea- tures feel, that lie down, and rise up under these fears, and frights of conscience. Lord, what will become of me ! I am free among the dead, yea, among the damned. I hang by the frail thread of a momentary life, which will, and must, break shortly, and may break the next moment, over the everlasting burnings : No plea- sant bread is to be eaten in these days, but what is like the bread of condemned men.
And thus you see what the burden of sin is, when God makes it to bear upon the consciences of men, no burden of affliction is
1G£ THE METHOD OF GKACE. SEKM. IX,
like it : losses of dearest relations, sorrows for an only son, are not so pungent and penetrating as these : For,
First, No creature-enjoyment is pleasant under these inward troubles : In other troubles they may signify something to a man's relief; but here they are nothing; the wound is too deep to be healed by any thing but the blood of Jesus Christ ; conscience re- quires as much to satisfy it, as God requires to satisfy him. When God is at peace with thee, (saith conscience) then will I be at peace •with thee too ; but, till then, expect no rest nor peace from me. All the pleasures and diversions in die world shall never stop my mouth : go where thou wilt, I will follow thee like thy shadow : be thy portion in the world as sweet as it will, I will drop in gall and wormwood into thy cup, that thou shalt taste no sweetness in anv thing, till thou hast got thy pardon.
These inward troubles for sin alienate the mind from all former pleasures and delights ; there is no more taste or savour in them, than in the white of an egg. Music is out of tune ; all instruments jar and groan. Ornaments have no beauty ; what heart hath a poor creature to deck that body, in which dwells such a miserable soul ! to feed and pamper that carcase that hath been the soul's in- ducement to, and instrument in sin, and must be its companion in everlasting misery !
Secondly, These inward troubles for sin put a dread into death, beyond whatever the soul saw in it before. Now it looks like the King of terrors indeed. You read in Heb. ii. 15. of some that through fear of death are all their life long subject to bondage. O what a lively comment is a soul in this case able to make upon such a text ! They would not scare at the pale horse, nor at him that sits on him, though his name be called Death, if it were not for what follows him, Rev. vi. 8. but when they consider that hell follows, they tremble at the very name or thoughts of death.
Thirdly, Such is the nature of these inward troubles of spirit, that they swallow up the sense of all outward troubles. Alas! these are all lost in the deeps of soul-sorrows, as the little rivulets are in the vast sea; he that is wounded at the heart will not cry Oh, at the bite of the smallest insect. And surely no greater is the pro- portion betwixt outward and inward sorrows. A small matter for- merly would discompose a man, and put him into a fret ; now ten thousand outward troubles are lighter than a feather : For, saitli he, " why doth the living man complain ?" Am I yet on this side of eternal burnings ! O let me not complain then whatever my con- dition be. Have I losses in the world, or pains upon my body ? Alas ! these are not to be named with the loss of God, and the feel- ing pf his wrath and indignation for evermore. Thus you see what troubles, inward troubles for sin be.
SERM. IX. THE METHOD OF GRACE. I6<3
Secondly, If you ask in the second place, ff how it comes to pass that any soul is sup- ted under
ported under such strong troubles of spirit, Jj ,,
that all that feel them do not sink under them; that all that go down into these deep waters of sorrow, are not drowned in them ? The answer is,
First, Though this be a very sad time with the soul (much like that of Adam, betwixt the breach of the first covenant, and the first promise of Christ made to him) yet the souls that are thus heavy laden, do not sink, because God hath a most tender care over them, and regard to them ; underneath them are the ever- lasting arms, and thence it is they sink not: were they left to grapple with these troubles in their own strength, they could never stand. But God takes care of these mourners, that their spirits do not fail before him, and the souls that he hath made ; I mean those of his elect, whom he is this way preparing for, and bringing unto Christ.
Secondly, The Lord is pleased to nourish still some hope in the soul under the greatest fears and troubles of spirit. Though it have no comfort or joy, yet it hath some hope, and that keeps up the heart. The afflicted soul doth, in this case, as the afflicted church, Lam. hi. 29- " He putteth his mouth in the dust, if yet " there may be hope :" He saith, " It is good for a man to hope, " and quietly to wait for the salvation of God."* There are usually some glimmerings or dawnings of mercy through Christ, in the midnight darkness of inward troubles ; non dantur puree tenabrce. In hell, indeed, there is no hope to enlighten the darkness, but it is not so upon earth.