How restless and impatient wast thou in his absense ! divine with- drawments were to thee as the hell of hell ; what a burden was the w^orld to me in those days ! Had it not been for conscience of my duty, I could have been willing to let all lie, that communion with Christ might suffer no interruption. When I awaked in the night, how was the darkness enlightened by the heavenly glimpses of the countenance of my God upon me .'* How did his company shorten those hours, and beguile the tediousness of the night ? O my soul, speak thy experience ; Is it now as it was then ? No, those days are past and gone, and thou art become much a stranger to that heavenly life. Art thou able with truth to deny this charge.'^ When occasionally I pass by those places, which w^ere once to me as Jacob's Bethel to him ; I sigh at the remembrance of former passages betwixt me and heaven there, and say with Job, chap. xxix. " O that it were with me " as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me, when his " candle shined upon my head, when by his light I walked through *^ darkness, when the Almighty was yet with me, when I put on ** righteousness, and it clothed me, when my glory Avas fresh in me !
* Grace needs more grace to put it in ezerdUe.
52 HUSBANDllY CPIRITtJALlZED ; OH,
" When I remember these things my soul is poured out within me.'' 2. Is thy obedience to the commands of Christ and motions to duty, as free and cheerful as they were wont to be ? Call to mind, my soul, the times when thou wast borne down the stream of love to every duty. If the Spirit did but whisper to thee, saying, Seelc my face^ how did my spirit echo to his calls ? saying, " Thy face, Lord, " will I seek," Psal. xxvii. 8. If God had any work to be done, how readily did I offer my service ? Here am I, Lord, send me. My soul made me like the chariots of Amminadib ; love oiled the wheels of my affections, and " his commandments were not grievous," 1 John V. 3. Non tardat uncta rota. There were no such quarrelings with the command, no such excuses and delays as there are now. No, such was my love to Christ, and delight to do his will, that I could no more keep back myself from duty, than a man that is carried away in a crowd.
Or, lastly, tell me, O my soul, dost thou bemoan thyself, or grieve so tenderly for sin, and for grieving the Holy Spirit of God as thou wast wont to do ? When formerly I had fallen by the hand of a temptation, how was I wont to lie in tears at the Lord's feet, be- moaning myself? How did I hasten to my closet, and there cry, like Ezra, chap. ix. 6. " O my God, I am ashamed, and blush to look " up unto thee." How did I sigh and weep before him, and, like 3Ephraim, smite upon my thigh, saying, " What have I done .?" Ah my soul ! how didst thou work, strive, and cast about how to recover thyself again ? Hast thou forgotten how thou wouldst sometimes look up and sigh bitterly ? Ah ! what a God have I provoked ? what love and goodness have I abused ? Sometimes look in, and weep, Ah ! what motions did I withstand ? what a good Spirit have I griev- ed ? Ah ! my soul, thou wouldest have abhorred thyself, thou could- est never have borne it, had thine heart been as stupid, and as relent- less then as now ; if ever a poor soul had reason to dissolve itself into tears for its sad relapses, I have.
2. But yet mourn not, O my soul, as one without hope. Re- j . member, " There is hope in Israel concerning this
^n .' ^^ ^ " thing," As low as thy condition is, it is not ^ * desperate, it is not a disease that scorns a remedy ;
many a man that hath been stretched out for dead, hath revived again, and lived many a comfortable day in the world ; many a tree that hath cast both leaf and fruit, by the skill of a prudent husband- man, hath recovered again, and been madeboth flourishing and fruit- ful. Is it not easier, thinkest thou, to recover a languishing man to health, than a dead man to life ? And yet this God did for me, Eph. ii. L Is any thing too hard for the Lord ? " Though my ^' soul draw nigh to the pit, and my life to the destroyers, yet he " can send me a messenger, one among a thousand, that shall declare *' to me my uprightness ; then shall he deliver me from going dowa *' into the pit, my flesh shall be fresher than a child's, and I shall re-*
THK HEAVENLY USE OF EARTHLY THINGS. 53
" turn to the days of ray youth,'" Job xxxiii. 22. Though my flourish, and much of my fruit too be gone, and I am a withering tree ; yet as long as the root of the matter is in me, there is more hope of such a poor, decayed, withered tree, than of the hypocrite that wants such a root in all his glory and bravery. His sun shall set, and never rise again ; but I live in expectation of a sweet morn- ing after this dark night.
Rouse up, therefore, O my soul, set thy soul a work on Christ for quickening grace, for he hath life in himself, and quickens wliomso- ever he will, John vii. 38. Stir up that little which remains. Rev. iii. 2. hast thou not seen lively flames proceed from glimmer- ing and dying sparks, when carefully collected and blown up ? Get amongst the most lively and quickening Christians ; " as iron sharp- " ens iron, so will these set an edge upon thy dull aff^ections," Prov. xxvii. 17. Acts xviii. 15. But, above all, cry mightily to the Lord for quickening ; he will not despise thy cry. The moans of a dis- tressed child work upon the bowels of a tender father. And be sure to keep within thy view the great things of eternity, which are ready to be revealed ; live in the believing and serious contemplations of them, and be dead if thou canst. It is true, thou hast reason enough from thy condition, to be for ever humbled, but no reason at all from thy God to be in the least discouraged.
A HOU art the Husbandman^ and I A worthless plot of husbandry. Whom special love did, nevertheless. Divide from nature's mlderness. Then did the sun-shine of thy face. And sweet illapses of thy grace, Eike April showVs, and warming gleam % Distil its dews, reflect its beams. My dead affections then were green, . And hopeful buds on them were seen ; These into duties soon were turn'd, In which my heart within me burn'd. O halcyon days ! thrice happy state ! Each place was Bethel, heaven's gate. What sweet discourse, what heav'nly talky Whilst with thee I did daily walk ! Mine eyes overflow, my heart doth sink. As oft as on those days I think. For strangeness now is got between My God and me, as may be seen By what is now, and what was then t 'Tis just as if I were two men.
54 HUSBANDRY SPIRITUALIZED ; 0%