First, The person complaining : I find, I Paul, though I come not behind the chiefest of all the apostles, though I have been wrapt into the third heaven, and heard things unutterable ; yet I, for all that, find in me a law. Never was any mere man more deeply sanc- tified ; never any lived at an higher rate of communion with God ; never any did Christ more service in this world ; and yet he found a law of sin in himself.
Secondly, The matter of the complaint, which consists in a double evil he groaned under; viz. 1. The presence of sin at all times. 2. The operation of sin, especially at some times.
First, The presence of sin at all times: Evil (saith he) is present with me, it follows me as my shadow doth. By evil we must under- stand no other evil but sin, the evil of evils; which, in respect of power and efficacy, he also calls a law ; because as laws, by reason o^ their annexed rewards and punishments, have a mighty pow?r and
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efficacy upon the minds of men; so sin, indwelling sin, that root of all our trouble and sorrow, hath a mighty efficacy upon us.
And this is the mournful matter of his complaint : it is not for out- ward afflictions, though he had many ; nor for what he suffered from the hands of men, though he suffered many grievous things : but it is sin, dwelling and working in him, that swallows up all other trou- bles, as rivers are lost in the sea ; this evil was always with him, the constant residence of sin was in his heart and nature.
Secondly^ And what further adds to his burthen, as it dwelt in him at all times, so it exerted its efficacy more especiall3^at sometimes, and those the special times, and principal seasons in his whole life: when I would do good (saith he) any spiritual good, and among the rest, when I address myself to any spiritual duty, or heavenly employment; when I design to draw near to God, and promise myself comfort and redress in communion -f-with him, then is evil present. Oh! if I were but rid of it in those hours, what a mercy should I esteem it, though I were troubled with it at other times ! Could I but enjoy my freedom from it in the seasons of duty, and times of communion with God, what a comfort would that be ! But then is the special season of its operation : never is sin more active and busy, than at such a time ; and this, O this is my misery and my burden !
Thirdly^ The next thing to be heeded here, is the discovery of this evil to him, over which he so mourns and laments : I find then a law, saith he, I find it (i. e.) by inward sense, feeling, and sad ex- jierience. He knew there was such a thing as original sin in the na- ture of men, when he was an unregenerated Pharisee ; but though he had then the notion of it, he h.-id not the sense and feeling of it as now he had ; he now feels what before he traditionally under- stood and talked of: I find a law, q. d. what or how others find, I know not : some may boast of their gifts^ and some may talk more than becomes them of their graces ; they may find excellencies in themselves ; and admire themselves too much for them ; but, for my part, ' I find a law, that when I would do good, evil is present.' I am sure I find a bad heart in the best season, a proud, dead, wander- ing, hard heart : I find it woefully out of order, God knows, and this is my misery. Hence note,
Doct. That the best Christians do sensibly feel and sadly bewail the workings of their corruptions, and that in the very seasons and opportunities of their communion with God.
Bring thy thoughts, reader, close to this point, and sadly ponder these three things in it :
First, In what special acts Christians use to feel the working of their corruption in the season of their communion.
f When I go about the best exercises of religion, I find within me the law of the flesh rising up, and drawing me from them. TolletMS.
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Secondly^ Why is it that corruption stirs and troubles them more at such a time than at others.
Thirdly. Upon what account this is so great a burden to every gracious heart.
Firsts As to the first of these, namely, the special actings of cor- ruption in the seasons of communion, they are such as have a natural aptitude and design to destroy all communion betwixt God and the soul ; Gal. v. 17. ' The flesh lusteth against the Spirit.' It is con^ trary to the Spirit ; and by reason of that contrariety, a poor Chris- tian cannot do the things that he would.
How many times have some Christians lamented this upon their knees, with bleeding hearts and weeping eyes? Lord, I came hither to enjoy thee ; I hoped for some light, strength, and refreshment in this duty : I promised myself a good hour ; my heart began to warm and melt in duty ; I was nigh to the expectation and desire of my soul ; but the unbelief, deadness, and vanity of my heart hath sepa- rated betwixt me and my God, and with-held good things from me. Three things are requisite to communion with God in duties: Firsts Composedness of thoughts. Secondly^ Activity of faith.
Thirdly, Excitations of affections : and all these are sensibly ob- structed by innate corruption ; for by in-dwelling sin.
First, The order of the soul is disturbed by sending forth multi- tudes of vain and impertinent thoughts, to infest and distract the soul in its approaches to God : the sense of this evil gave occasion to that prayer, Psal. Ixxxvi. 11. ' Unite my heart to fear thy name."' How much have we to do with our own hearts upon this account every day ? Abundance of rules are given to cure this evil, but the cor- ruption of the heart makes them all necessary.
Secondly, The activity of faith is clogged by natural unbelief: O what difficulties is every work of faith carried through ! ' Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief,' Mark ix. 24. It cramps the hand of faith in every part of its work ; the soid sensibly feels itself bound and fetter- ed by its own unbeUef, so that it cannot assent with that fulness, clear- ness, and determinateness that it would ; it cannot apply with that strength, certainty, and comfort it desires; and thus are the wings of faith pinioned, that when we should soar aloft in the highest acts of sweet communion with God, we can but flutter upon the earth, and make some weak essays and offers heavenward, which oftentimes are frustrated and put by, through the unbelief that is in us.
Thirdly, The excitation of the affections is rendered difficult, by reason of that natural deadness and hardness that is in the heart. Alas ! it is naturally an heart of stone, and as easy it is to dissolve or melt the rocks into a sweet syrup, as the heart into spiritual and hea- venly affections towards God. There is scarce any one thing in the world that Christians more passionately bewail, and are more sensibly afflicted for, than the deadness and hardness of their own hearts.
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