Minister.'] ' I shall be very glad to contribute any thing for re- moving those scruples which may disturb you upon that account ; therefore, pray go on.'
Christian.] Sir, I have heard many sermons, and read several discourses, which do much urge and declare the necessity of commu- nicating in this blessed ordinance ; and yet I durst never presume to join therein.
Minister.] ' Have you then hitherto lived in the neglect of this important duty.'
Christian.] To speak freely. Sir, I never yet did communicate therein all my life ; because I have much questioned, whether I were worthy to receive that blessed and holy seal, to the glory of God, and my own edification and comfort ; since I never truly understood the institution, nature, administration, and ends of it, nor the qua- lifications of those who are to be partakers thereof, according to the appointment of Jesus Christ.
A MINISTER AND A DOUBTING CHRISTIAN. 461
Minister.] ' Well then, I hope, if these things be plainly open- ed to you, it may conduce to satisfy your scruples.'
Christian.'] Sir, 1 shall receive your instructions with thankful* ness, and if my heart deceive me not, shall rejoice in the light and knowledge that I may gain thereby.
Mmister.] ' Let us then, first, enquire into the qualifications of a sincere Christian in general ; and, secondly^ of the qualifications of such Christians as are meet to partake of the Lord's supper ; for they are distinct, and sometimes separate.'
Cliristian.] I hope, in doing this, you will much help me to judge of my present state and condition God-ward. And now, in the first place, pray inform me, how I may know if I am a sincere Christian. Minister.] ' All true believers, among other graces, have such a knowledge of God in Christ, as works by love, and stirs up in them an earnest study of the will of God, and a sincere endeavour to Hve in the faith, knowledge, and practice of it.'
Christian.] Sir, I cannot boast of my knowledge ; yet, by the grace of God shewed to me, those conceptions which I have of God in Christ, have, I hope, so far prevailed upon me, that to live in the knowledge, love, and enjoyment of him, and to have my all devo- ted to his will and praise, is all the heaven that I desire in this world, and a great part of that which I hope for in the world to come.
Minister.] ' These are good signs of a real and renewed change in your soul, and so doubtless have wrought good dispositions in you : of which you have had evidence in your heart, and have made it appear in your life and actions.'
Christian.] I would be loth to flatter myself; but yet I hope, that I find some delight in the word of God, both read and preached : and do seriously meditate thereon, that I may ' grow in grace, and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ our Lord.' And though I am some- times tempted with vile and vain thoughts, yet I endeavour to stifle them, and my heart rises against them. I thank God, I strive to resist the first motions to sin, and avoid all occasions of evil ; and I am never more uneasy, than when I happen into the company of profane and ill people, having a hatred to lying, obscene and filthy discourses, swearing, cursing, and all dishonourable reflections upon God and god- liness. I make conscience of taking up a slander against my neigh- bour ; and to be just, and to do good to all, according to my ability ; and ' to walk in all the commandments of the Lord, blameless.'
Minister.] ' If these be the fruits and effects of your faith, it is not a dead faith ; yet we must not rest upon our own works, or righteous- ness, for justification, merit, or satisfaction ; because it will be deroga- tory to the merits and righteousness of Jesus Christ, and dangerous to cur own souls.'
Christian.] Sir, I know right well, there is no justification, but by the blood of Jesus ; neither dare I trust to my own righteousness, but to his only, for the pardon and remission of my sins. And if by grace
46s A FAMILIAR CONFEIIEXCE BETWEEN
I am enabled to bring forth any fruit meet for a gospel faitli, re- pentance, and love; these I bless God for, as a part of my duty and happiness, and desire to look on them as proofs of faith, (if they are worthy to be such) and no otherwise.
Mi?iister.] ' This is well. But do you find your soul always in « good frame and temper, without baitings, slips, or excursions?'
Christian.'] Sir, I dare not say I do : for I must with sorrow ac- knowledge, that at sometimes my thoughts are polluted, my words are unsavoury without edification, my actions not adorning the doc- trine of the gospel of God my Saviour ; but such as I fear may prove a grief and snare to others. My spiritual rehsh of God's word is very insipid, and its authority not so sensibly powerful ; so that I am un- ready to any thing that is good, even like a dead man, as if my reli- gion had no life nor soul in it.
Minister.'] ' Well : but when you thus fall into sin, or fail in your duty, what do you think of yourself and ways ? How are you affect- ed therewith ?''
Christian.] When I am in this deplorable condition, my soul is much disturbed, my joy and peace of conscience are gone : but when I am a little rouzed out of this sinful lethargy, my heart is then melt- ed with sorrow for my folly and miscarriage, and I address myself to God with the greatest fear and shame, humbly imploring him to renew a right Spirit ivithin me.
Minister.] ' Well, friend, if your conscience confirms what your tongue has uttered, you have expressed enough to evidence the sin- cerity of your obedience to God, and that you are a sound believer, and a sincere convert. And I hope you have faith also in Jesus Christ the mediator ; without a due respect to whom our faith and good affections will not deserve the name of being truly evangelical and saving.'
Christian.] Through grace, I desire to acknowledge and embrace the Lord Jesus Christ upon the terms on which he is offered in the gospel ; to believe all his doctrines, as my teacher and guide ; to trust and depend upon him, as the " High-priest of our profession, who makes atonement by his sacrifice and intercession." And I desire to submit to his government, as Lord and King of his church.
Minister.] ' These are very considerable attainments, and include the substance of saving-faith. But are you sensible how you arrived to this good disposition and frame of mind '^ Ho you imagine it was natural to you, or the result of the improvement of your natural reason, powers, or faculties f''
Christian.] Oh, Sir, I dare by no means ascribe that to nature, which is only the effect of divine grace. If I have any measure of sanctifica- tion, it is only by the gift and grace of God; for I have had too much experience, that by nature I am alive to vanity and sin ; but dead and lifeless to God, and to all real goodness ; that I am darkness ; folly possesseth my soul; 1 am at enmity with God, and altogether unable
A MINISTER AND A DOUBTING miEND. 46S