First, 2 here is a contracted indisposition to private prayer, and there is an involuntary indisposition to private prayer. There is a contracted indisposition, and that is when a man, by his wilful sinning against light, knowledge, conviction, &c., contracts that guilt that lies as a load upon his conscience. Now guilt makes the soul shy of God ; and the greater the guilt is, the more shy the soul is of drawing near to God in a corner. The child that is sensibly under guilt hides him- self, as Adam did, in the day from his father's eye, and at night he slips to bed, to avoid either a chiding or a whipping from his father, Gen. iii. 7, 8. Guilt makes a man fly from God, and fly from prayer. It is a hard thing to look God in the face, when guilt stares a man in the face. Job xi. 14, 15. Guilt makes a man a terror to himself, Jer. xx. 3, 4 ; now when a man is a terror to himself, he is neither fit to live, nor fit to die, nor fit to pray. When poison gets into the body, it works upon the spirits, and it weakens the spirits, and it endangers life, and unfits and indisposes a man to all natural actions. It is so here ; when guilt lies heavy upon the conscience, it works upon the soul, it weakens the soul, it endangers the soul, and it doth wonderfully unfit and indispose the soul to all holy actions. Guilt fights against our souls, our consciences, our comforts, our duties, yea, and our very graces also, 1 Peter ii. 11. There is nothing that wounds and lames our graces like guilt ; there is nothing that weakens and wastes our graces like guilt ; there is nothing that hinders the activity of our graces like guilt ; nor there is nothing that clouds our evidences of grace like guilt. Look, what water is to the fire, that our sinnings are to our graces, evidences, and duties. Guilt is like Prometheus's vulture, that ever lies gnawing. It is better with Evagrius to lie on a bed of straw with a good conscience, than to lie on a bed of down with a guilty conscience. What the probationer-disciple said to our Saviour, — Mat. viii. 19, ' Master, I will follow thee whither- soever thou goest,' — that a guilty conscience saith to the sinner, 'Whither- soever thou goest I will follow thee/ If thou goest to a fast, I will follow thee, and fill thy mind with black and dismal apprehensions of God ; if thou goest to a feast, I will follow thee, and shew thee the hand- writing on the wall, Dan. v. 5 ; if thou goest abroad, I will follow thee, and make thee afraid of every leaf that wags ; thou shalt look upon every bush as an armed man, and upon every man as a devil ; if thou stayest at home, I will follow thee from room to room, and fill thee with horror and terror ; if thou liest down to rest, I will follow thee with fearful dreams and tormenting apparitions; if thou goest intotliy closet, I will follow thee, and make thy very closet a hell to hold thee.
It is storied of king Richard the Third, that after he had murdered his two nephews in the Tower, guilt lay so hard upon his conscience, that his sleeps were very unquiet ; for he would often leap out of his bed in the dark, and catching his sword in his hand, which hung by his bed side, he would go distractedly about his chamber seeking for the traitor.
So Charles the Ninth of France, after he had made the streets of
Mat. VL 6.] the privy key of heaven. 247
Paris run down with the blood of the Protestants, he could seldom take any sound sleep, nor could he endure to be awakened out of his sleep without music'
Judge Morgan, that passed the sentence of condemnation upon Jane Grey, a virtuous lady, shortly after fell mad, and in his raving cried out continually, ' Take away the Lady Jane from me, take away the Lady Jane from me,' and in that horror ended his wretched life.
James Abyes, going to execution for Christ's sake, as he went along, he gave his money and his clothes to one and another, till he had given all away to his shirt, whereupon one of the sheriff's men fell a-scoffing and deriding of him, and told him that he was a madman and an heretic, and not to be believed ; but as soon as the good man was executed, this wretch was struck mad, and threw away his clothes, and cried out that * James Abyes was a good man, and gone to heaven, but he was a wicked man, and was damned,' and thus he continued crying out till his death.^ Certainly he that derides or smites a man for walking according to the word of the Lord, the Lord will, first or last, so smite and wound that man's conscience, that all the physicians in the world shall not heal it.
Now if thy indisposition to private prayer springs from contracting guilt upon thy conscience, then thy best way is speedily to renew thy repentance, and greatly to judge and humble thine own soul, and so to act faith afresh upon the blood of Christ, both for pardoning mercy and for purging grace. When a man is stung with guilt, it is his highest wisdom in the world to look up to the brazen serpent, and not to spend his time or create torments to his own soul by perpetual por- ing upon his guilt. When guilt upon the conscience works a man to water the earth with tears, and to make heaven ring with his groans, then it works kindly. When the sense of guilt drives a man to God, to duty, to the throne of grace, then it will not be long night with that man. He that thinks to shift off private prayer under the pretence of guilt, doth but in that increase his own guilt. Neglect of duty will never get guilt off the conscience.
But then there is an involuntary indisposition to private prayer; as in a sick man, who would work and walk, but cannot, being hindered by his disease ; or as it is with a man that hath a great chain on his leg, he would very fain walk or get away, but his chain hinders him. Now if your indisposition to private prayer be an involuntary indispo- sition, then God will in mercy, in course, both pardon it and remove it.
Secondly, There is a total indisposition to private prayer, and there is a partial indisposition to private prayer. A total indisposi- tion to private prayer is, when a man hath no mind at all to private prayer, nor no will at all to private prayer, nor no love at all to private prayer, nor no delight, nor no heart at all to private prayer, Jer. iv. 22, and xliv. 17-19. Now where this frame of heart is, there all is naught, very naught, stark naught. A partial indisposition to private prayer is, when a man hath some will to private prayer, though not such a will as once he had ; and some mind to private prayer, though not such a mind as once he had; and some affections to private prayer, though not such warm and burning affections as once he had. Now'if ' ThuanuB, lib. Ivii. Cf. Sibbes, vol. i. p. 149.— G. » Clarke, as before, p. 457.— G.
248 THE PRIVY KEY OF HEAVEN. [MaT. VI. 6.