[9.] I find the same conflict in my soul that Paul found in his soul, after he was converted near upon fourteen years, after he was taken up into as clear and choice enjoyments of God, as any soul that ever I read of. The conflict that is mentioned, Rom. vii. 6, I find in my soul. The whole frame of my soul, understanding, will, and affections, are set against sin. I find that ' I hate the evil that I do, and I find that the good that I Avould do, I do not, and the evil that I would not do, that do I. I find a law in my members, rebelling against the law of my mind, and leading of me captive into the law of sin/ and this makes me often to cry out with Paul, ' 0 wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death? Therefore I sometime hope, that those sins that are now my burden, shall never hereafter be my bane.'
Well, and is this all, O weak saint ?
No, sir; I have one thing more to say.
[10.] I can truly say, when the Lord gives ine any strength against sin, and any ^poiuer to serve him, and walk close with him in his ways, it is a greater joy and comfort to my soul, than all the blessings of this life. Though I have not yet seen, he hath 'set me as a seal upon his heart, as a seal upon his arm ;' though I have not yet the clear assurance of his love ; though his spirit hath not yet set up such a light in my soul, whereby I might run and read my right and title to himself and heaven ; yet when he doth give me but a little light through a crevice, when he does but beginto cause his love to dawn upon me, when he gives me but a little strength against sin, and a little power to walk close with himself, &c. ; oh, this doth administer more abiding joy, and more sweet peace, and more solid comfort to my soul, than all the riches, honours, friends, and favours of this world.^
Well, is this all, O weak saint ?
No, sir ; I have one thing more to say.
[1 l.J Though my interest in Christ he not clear to me, yet I can truly sa.y I would not change m.y condition with the men of this world, for a thousand ivorlds, Ps. ci. 3 ; cxxxix. 21, 22; cxx. G. It is true, I cannot say that I have 'the seal and witness of the Spirit,' that many talk and boast of, though I fear but a few enjoy; yet I can truly say, that I would not change my estate with men merely civil, nor with the profane men of this world, for ten thousand worlds, &c.
Well, is this all, O soul !
^ The best saints in this worhl arc like the tribe of Manasseh, half on this side Jordan, in the land of the Amorites, and half on that side, in the Holy Laud. And though to be kept from sin brings most comfort to a poor soul, yet for a poor soul to oppose sin, and God to pardon sin, that brings most glory to God, 2 Cor. xii. 7-9.
^ Sozomen relates of one who v,as as circumsjiect to be seen as to be. A gracious soul is as careful that he does not endanger another by a bad life, as lie is careful to save his own life.
82 THE UNSEARCHABLE [EPH. III. 8.
No, sir ; I have but one thing more, and then I have done.
[12.] I -find r)iy soul carried forth to a secret resting, relying, lean- ing, stalling, acul hanging upon Christ for life and happiness. Though I know not how it shall go with me, yet I have thrown myself into his arms; I lean upon him; there I will hang, and there I will rest and stay : ' it" I must perish, I will perish there,' Job xiii. 1 5 ; 2 Kings \\\. 3-5 ; Esther iv. ] 6.
And thus, sir, I have opened my state and condition to you ; and now I do earnestly desire your judgment upon the whole.
Well, then, this I shall say, as ' I must answer it in the day of my appearing before God,' that had I as many souls as I have hairs on my head, or as there be stars in heaven, I could freely adventure the loss of them all, if these things do not undeniably speak out, not only the truth, but also the strength of grace, &c. Nay, let me tell you, that he that finds but any of these things really in his soul, though the Lord hath not given him a clear and full manifestation of his love and favour, &c., yet, while breath is in his body, he hath eminent cause to bless God, and to walk thankfully and humbly before him.
The second duty is this,
2. Live iip to that little grace you hare.
Thou sayest, O weak Christian, thou hast but a little liglit, a little love, a little zeal, a little faith, &c. Well, grant it, but know tliat it is thy duty to live up to those measures of grace thou hast. And this is the second head that I shall press upon you, live up and live out that grace you have.^ And if ever there were a season to press this point home upon souls, this is the season in which we live. And considering that it is not a flood of words, but weight of argument, that carries it with ingenuous spirits, I shall therefore propound these following things to their serious consideration.
[1.] First, Consider this, living tij) to your graces calories loith it the greatest evidence of the truth of grace.
That man that lives not up to his grace, let him be strong or weak, wants one of the best and strongest demonstrations that can be to evidence the truth of his grace. If you would have a clear evidence that that little love, that little faith, that little zeal you have is true, then live up to that love, live up to that faith, live up to that zeal that you have, and this will evidence it beyond all contradiction, &c.^
[2.1 Secondly, Consider this, God. and. your own soids ivill he very great losers, if you live not up to those nieasures of grace you have.
God will lose many prayers and many praises ; he will lose much honour, and glory, and service, which otherwise he might have; and. you will lose much peace, much comfort, much rest, quietness, and con- tent that otherwise your souls might enjoy, &c.'
' To speak well, saith Isicdorc Pelusiota, is to sound like a cymbal ; but to do well, is to act like; an angel, &c.
* If Sfnc'ca said of liis wise man, Mnjore parte illic est, unde descendit, he is moro in heaven than in earth ; may not I say this is much more true of the godly ?&c. [Z>e Con- ttantifi Sapientis et E/nstolce. — G.]
' Of all loi^siH, spiritual losses are the saddcbt and greatest, and fetched up witli the greatest diiliculty.
EpH. III. 8] RICHES OF CHRIST. 83^
[3.] Thirdly,, Consider this, your not living up to that little light arid grace you have, will open the mouths of graceless souls against your gracious God, and against his gracious ones, and against his gracious vjays}