[4.] The truest friendship and love is inter honos, between tho.se that are good. So John is especially called the disciple whom Jesus loved, that is, above all the rest : John xiii. 23-25, ' Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved. Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake. He then lying on Jesus' breast, saith unto him, Lord, who is it ? '
[5.] Of all persons, the two that love most sincerely are husband and wife, who solemnly chose each other as a meet help in the Lord, that they may bear a part in each other's burdens, and by the laws of God and man do mutually give up themselves to each other to seek one
474 SERMONS UPON EPHESIANS V. [SeR. XXX.
another's good, and are so fast linked to each other that they cannot part. Therefore surely there should be the highest love between them both ; for they are brought together for this end.
[6.] Because women are ordinarily affectionate and passionate crea- tures, apt to love much where nature and grace bindeth them ; and man is, or is presumed to be, more governed by reason, therefore God hath added the bond of conscience by his special law, that he should make this return of sincere strong affection to his wife, that so their converse may be more sweet, lives comfortable, burdens easy so long as they live together. So that from the whole may be gathered that this duty was instituted for the exercise of the highest and most sincere affection that possibly can be, and between two mortal creatures that have two distinct souls, but one common interest between them.
3. Reason will tell us how much the husband is bound to love her that hath in a manner forsaken all the world, father, and mother, and all her relations, to cleave to her husband, and to share with him in all conditions until death, although she were free before the contract. Surely common gratitude will suggest that a recompense of true affec- tion is due to her for this ; otherwise men are unthankful, unhol}^ and without natural affection, wliicli is the worst character can be given to them.
4. The interest and comfort of the married estate will also persuade it. While love is kept up, all things go on sweetly ; but as soon as love faileth, presently everything is out of order and out of joint ; for when once they begin to disaffect the persons of each other, all matri- monial duties are stabbed at the heart. Therefore they should take heed they do not slight, or loath, and wax weary of each other ; for let anything of this prevail, and they will soon fail in other duties. Thence come hatreds, strifes, endless brawling, divorces, and other inconveniences, that make their lives burdensome, and their families miserable.
Use 1. To reprove that which is contrary to this love, bittei'ness and harshness of carriage : Col. iii. 19, ' Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter to them.' The gall was taken out of the sacrifices offered to Juno, as Plutarch witnesseth. This is seen —
1. Partly in a froward disposition, when men are offended for light causes or small provocations, and, like fine glasses, broken as soon as touched. Husbands are to love their wives, and therefore not to be bitter to them because there may fall out some lesser fault ; for ' love will cover a multitude of faults,' 1 Peter iv. 8. The wife is to obey her husband notwithstanding his manifold imperfections; the duty of Eubjection ceaseth not for all that. So the husband is to love his wife : both are full of infirmities. Christ loved the church notwithstanding her many faults.
2. In sharp words and contumelious language, which leaveth such a grudge and such averseness in the mind as is not easily forgiven. The psalmist compareth bitter words to drawn swords, Ps. Iv. 21. Cer- tainly such bitter speeches must needs destroy all love and breed an unquiet life.
.3. Churlish deeds also show this bitterness.
[1.] When the husband taketh from her all command in the family,
VeR. 25.] SERMONS UPON EPHESIANS V. 475
iiandling her rather like a slave than a consort and companion. She, under her husband, is to look to the ways of her household, Prov. xxxi. 27, and hath a power over the children and servants together with him.
[2.] Denying necessaries is another part of this bitter carriage, or such things as belong to the decency of her estate ; for she is to share with him in all good things, and her life is to be made comfortable to her ; or else how can she know that he lovetli her when he dealeth liardly and sparingly with her ? He is bound to give her honour, 1 Peter iii. 7.
3. The height of this bitterness is, when passion and anger pro- ceedeth to blows. The husband and wife, by the conjugal covenant, entered into the highest friendship, wherein disorders are not to be corrected by blows, but counsels ; and blows are the fruits of furious wrath, rather than a rational dislike of the offence ; fit for slaves, not the wife of the bosom.