That which most troubles a good man in all troubles is himself, so far as he is unsubdued ; he is more disquieted with himself than with all ti'oubles out of himself ; when he hath gotten the better once of himself, whatsoever falls from without is light. Where the spirit is enlarged, it cares not much for outward bondage ; where the spirit is lightsome, it cares not much for outward darkness ; where the spirit is settled, it cares not much for out- ward changes ; where the spirit is one with itself, it cannot* bear outward breaches ; where the spirit is sound, it can bear outwai'd sickness. Nothing can be very ill with us, when all is well within. This is the comfort of a holy man, that though he be troubled with himself, yet by reason of the spirit in him, which is his better self, he works out by degrees whatever is contrary, as spring-water, being clear of itself, works itself clean, though it be troubled by something cast in, as the sea will endure no poisonful thing, but casts it upon the shore. But a carnal man is like a spring corrupted, that cannot work itself clear, because it is wholly tainted ; his eye and Hght is darkness, and therefore no wonder if he seeth nothing. Sin lieth upon his understanding, and hinders the knowledge of itself; it lies close upon the will, and hinders the striving against itself.
True self that is worth the owning, is when a man is taken into a higher condition, and made one with Christ, and esteems neither of himself nor others, as happy for anything according to the flesh. 1. He is imder the law and government of the Spirit, and so far as he is himself, works accord-
*• Qu. ' can ? ' — Ed,
VOL. I. I.
162 THE soul's conflict.
ing to that principle. 2, He labours more and more to be transformed into the likeness of Christ, in whom he esteemeth that he hath his best being. 3. He esteems of all things that befall him, to be good or ill, as they fur- ther or hinder his best condition. If all be well for that, he counts himself well, whatsoever else befalls him.
Another man, when he doth anything that is good, acts not his own part ; but a godly man, when he doth good, is in his proper element; what another man doth for by-ends and reasons, that he doth from a new nature, which, if there were no law to compel, yet would move him to that which is pleasing to Christ. If he be drawn aside by passion or temptation, that he judgeth not to be himself, but taketh a holy revenge on himself for it, as being redeemed and taken out from himself; he thinks himself no debtor, nor to owe any service to his corrupt self. That which he plots and projects and works for is, that Christ may rule everywhere, and especially in himself, for he is not his own but Christ's, and therefore desires to be more and more emptied of himself, that Christ might be all in all in him.
Thus we see what great use there is of dealing with ourselves, for the better composing and settling of our souls. Which, though it be a course- without glory and ostentation in the world, as causing a man to retire in- wardly into his own breast, having no other witness but God and himself ; and though it be likewise irksome to the flesh, as calling the soul home to itself, being desirous naturally to wander abroad and be a stranger at home ; yet it is a course both good in itself, and makes the soul good.
For by this means the judgment is exercised and rectified, the will and affections ordered, the whole man put into an holy frame fit for every good action. By this the tree is made good, and the fruit cannot but be answer- able ; by this the soul itself is set in tune, whence there is a pleasant harmony in our whole conversation. Without this, we may do that which is outwardly good to others, but we can never be good ourselves. The first justice begins within, when there is a due subjection of all the powers, of the soul to the spirit, as sanctified and guided by God's Spirit ; when justice and order is fii'st established in the soul, it will appear from thence in all our deaUngs. He that is at peace in himself, will be peaceable to others, peaceable in his family, peaceable in the church, peaceable in the state. The soul of a wicked man is in perpetual sedition ; being always troubled in itself, it is no wonder if it be troublesome to others. Unity in ourselves is before union with others.
To conclude this fii'st part, concerning intercourse with ourselves. As we desire to enjoy ourselves, and to live the life of men and of Christians, which is, to understand our ways ; as we desire to live comfortably, and not to be accessory of yielding to that sorrow which causeth death ; as we desire to answer God and ourselves, when we are to give an account of the inward tumults of our souls ; as we desire to be vessels prepared for every good work, and to have strength to undergo any cross ; as we desire to have healthy souls, and to keep a sabbath within ourselves ; as we desire not only to do good, but to be good in ourselves : so let us labour to quiet our souls, and often ask a reason of oui'selves, why we should not be quiet ?