^ He had of course his ups and downs during this time.
' 7. D. Huntington, Christian Believing and Living, 208.
3IO LIFE IN GOD'S PRESENCE
He was in full practice, leading his life as before, but whenever we found ourselves alone together he was serious, and, though he did not again refer to his health, he never played the parts of the author, inflated or distressed, or did any of the other things which used to make my occasional Wednesday afternoon walks with him so delightful. One thing I do remember: during a walk home from the House he suddenly asked me what I took to be the most melancholy lines in English poetry. Being accustomed to such conundrums from him, I was not much surprised, and answered that, on the spur of the moment, I could think of none more melancholy, considering Swift's genius for friendship, than those lines of his written in sickness in Ireland —
'Tis true — then why should I repine To see my life so fast decline ? But why obscurely here alone Where I am neither loved nor known ? My state of health none care to learn, My life is here no soul's concern, And those with whom I now converse Without a tear will tend my hearse.
I spouted these lines, melancholy though they are, light-heartedly enough, and was completely taken aback by the effect they produced upon my companion. He stopped in his walk, ex- claiming several times with a strange emphasis, "Horrible! horrible ! horrible ! " and twice added, " I'm not like that." I could only bite my lips and wish I had thought of some other lines.^
Whene'er goes forth Thy dread command,
And my last hour is nigh. Lord, grant me in a Christian land,
As I was born, to die.
I pray not, Lord, that friends may be,
Or kindred, standing by, — Choice blessing! which I leave to Thee
To grant me or deny.
But let my failing limbs beneath
My Mother's smile recline; And prayers sustain my labouring breath
From out her sacred shrine.
' Augustiue Birrell, Sir Frank Lockwood, 191.
EXODUS xxxiii. 14 311
Thou, Lord, where'er we lie, canst aid;
But He, who taught His own To live as one, will not upbraid
The dread to die alone.^
4. Interpreters in all times and of all shades of religious belief have agreed in finding in the wilderness a type of life. The type, however, covers only a partial aspect of life, and it is not on the wilderness aspect alone that we must dwell when we think of life in its fulness and continuity. The old spirit of Stoicism may enter unduly even in our day, to the spoiling of life as God gave it, although at the present time it is not so much a spirit of sternness as a spirit of indifference which finds in life nothing but a wilderness. To be an enthusiast is not fashionable. I cannot do this because I am bored, is too often the answer to the old heathen question. Is life worth living ? But this is not the way in which we are to apply the type. The wilderness was only a passing phase in Israel's life's history, and even this was not without its spots of brightness. A prophet — perhaps one who had himself passed through the Exile — could sing, "The desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose." It was hope that trans- formed the prophet's wilderness, and it is hope that will transform ours. And if we ask. Whence does this hope come ? surely we find the answer in the words spoken to Moses, "My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." It is God's abiding presence with the soul which teaches it to know the dignity of a life lived in communion with Him, the continuity of which, begun here, can never be broken off through eternity. " In thy presence," says the Psalmist, " is fulness of joy ; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore" (Ps. xvi. 11).
^ I shall give only one of Dr. Rainy's stories, which I think has never been published. It concerned two saintly fathers of the Disruption — the dignified Dr. Gordon of the High Church and the quaint Dr. Bruce of St. Andrew's Church. The two were conducting or had just conducted a joint service, which had been peculiarly inspiring and uplifting. Dr. Gordon, who had a manner almost majestically grave, in hushed solemn tones whispered to the other, "Is not this a foretaste of Paradise?"
' J. H. Newman.
312 LIFE IN GOD'S PRESENCE
To which Dr. Bruce replied : " 'Deed, I was jiat nippin' mysel' tae mak' sure I wasna oot o' the body." ^
II.
The Presencb of God.
" My presence shall go with thee."
Moses was promised not only guidance, but personal friendship. " My presence " means literally " My Face." He was to have always with him a personal Companionship. He was to hold converse face to face, eye to eye, with One who was strong enough to meet all his demands for guidance, succour, and strength. What he should enjoy should be no mere superintendence, as from a distant heaven. An everlasting Friend should travel with him along the desert, and sit with him in his tent, and accompany him to the council, and to the seat of justice, and amidst the rebellious concourse, and to the field of battle with heathen foes, giants, and others, when the time should come. He should experience the infinite difference of being never alone, never without a personal Presence, perfectly sympathetic, and at the same time almighty.