Let us, then, a little consider this aversation in such acts of obedi- ence as wherein there is no concernment but that of God and the soul. In public duties there may be a mixture of other considera- tions; they may be so influenced by custom and necessity, that a right judgment cannot from them be made of this matter. But let us take into consideration the duties of retirement, as private prayer and meditation, and the like; or else extraordinary duties, or duties to be performed in an extraordinary manner: —
1. In these will this aversation and loathing oftentimes discover itself in the affections. A secret striving will be in them about close and cordial dealing with God, unless the hand of God in his Spirit be high and strong upon his soul. Even when convictions, sense of duty, dear and real esteem of God and communion with him, have carried the soul into its closet, yet if there be not the vigour and power of a spiritual life constantly at work, there will be a secret loathness in them unto duty; yea, sometimes there will be a violent inclination to the contrary, so that the soul had rather do any thing, embrace any diversion, though it wound itself thereby, than vigor-
184 THE NAX.URE AND POWER OF INDWELLING SIN.
ously apply itself unto that which in the inward man it breathes after. It is weary before it begins, and says, " When will the work be over?" Here God and the soul are immediately concerned; and it is a great conquest to do what we would, though we come exceed- ingly short of what we should do.
2. It discovers itself in the mind also. When we address ourselves to God in Christ, we are, as Job speaks, to " fill our mouths with arguments," chap, xxiii. 4, that we may be able to plead with him, as he calls upon us to do: Isa. xliii. 26, "Put me in remembrance; let us plead together." Whence the church is called upon to taJ<e unto itself words or arguments in going to God, Hos. xiv. 2. The sum is, that the mind should be furnished with the considerations that are prevailing with God, and be in readiness to plead them, and to manage them in the most spiritual manner, to the best advantage. Now, is there no difficulty to get the mind into such a frame as to lay out itself to the utmost in this work ; to be clear, steady, and. constant in its duty; to draw out and make use of its stores and furniture of promises and experiences? It starts, wanders, flags, — all from this secret aversation unto communion with God, which proceeds from the law of indwelling sin. Some complain that they can make no work of meditation, — they cannot bend their minds unto it. I con- fess there may be a great cause of this in their want of a right un- derstanding of the duty itself, and of the ways of managing the soul in it ; which therefore I shall a little speak to afterward : but yet this secret enmity hath its hand in the loss they are at also, and that both in their minds and in their affections. Others are forced to live in family and public duties, they find such little benefit and success in private. And here hath been the beginning of the apostasy of many professors, and the source of many foolish, sensual opinions. Finding this aversation in their minds and affections from closeness and constancy in private spiritual duties, not knowing how to conquer and prevail against these difficulties through Him who enables us, they have at first been subdued to a neglect of them, first partial, then total, until, having lost all conscience of them, they have had a door opened unto all sin and licentiousness, and so to a full and utter apostasy. I am persuaded there are very few that apostatize from a profession of any continuance, such as our days abound withal, but their door of entrance into the folly of backsliding was either some great and notorious sin that blooded their consciences, tainted their affections, and intercepted all delight of having any thing more to do with God; or else it was a course of neglect in private duties, arising from a weariness of contending against that powerful aversa- tion which they found in themselves unto them. And this also, through the craft of Satan, hath been improved into many foolish
AVEESATION IN SIN F110:,I ALL THAT IS GOOD. 185
and sensual opinions of living unto God without and above any duties of communion. And we find, that after men have for a while choked and blinded their consciences with this pretence, cursed wick- edness or sensuality hath been the end of their folly. And the rea- son of all this is, that the giving way to the law of sin in the least is the giving strength unto it. To let it alone, is to let it grow ; not to conquer it, is to be conquered by it.
As it is in respect of private, so it is also in respect of public duties, that have any thing extraordinary in them. What strivings, strugglings, and pleadings are there in the heart about them, espe- cially against the spirituality of them! Yea, in and under them, will not the mind and affections sometimes be entangled with things un- couth, new, and strange unto them, such as, at the time of the least serious business, a man would not deign to take into his thoughts? But if the least loose, liberty, or advantage be given unto indwelling sin, if it be not perpetually watched over, it will work to a strange and unexpected issue. In brief, let the soul unclothe any duty what- ever, private or public, any thing that is called good, — let a man divest it of all outward respects which secretly insinuate themselves into the mind and give it some complacency in what it is about, but do not render it acceptable unto God, — and he shall assuredly find somewhat of the power and some of the effects of this aversatiou. It begins in loathness and indisposition ; goes on with entangling the mind and affections with other things ; and will end, if not prevented, in weari- ness of God, which he complains of in his people, Isa. xliii. 22. They ceased from duty because they were " weary of God."