Thus the soul comes to be like Paul, in another case, Phil. i. 23. He considered his own advantage on the one
266 TPIE STEADFASTNESS OF PROMISES,
side by his dissolution, and the profit of the churches by his abiding in the flesh, on the other; and taking in these various thoughts, he cries out, he is in a strait, he stag- gered, he was betwixt two, and knew not which to choose : or as David, 2 Sam.'xxiv. 14. when he had a tender of several corrections made to him, says, * I am in a great strait;' he sees evil in every one, and knows not which to choose.
A poor creature looking upon the promise, sees, as he supposes, in a steadfast closing vvith the promise, that there lies presumption; on the other hand, certain destruction, if he believes not; and now he staggers, he is in a great strait : arguments arise on both sides, he knows not how to determine them, and so hanging in suspense, he stag- gereth. Like a man travelling a journey, and meeting with two several paths, that promise both fairly, and he knows not which is his proper way; he guesses, and guesses, and at length cries. Well, I know not which of these ways I should go ; but this is certain, if I mistake I am undone; I'll go in neither, but here I'll sit down, and not move one step in either of them, until some one come, that can give me direction. The soul very frequently sits down in this hesitation, and refuses to step one step forward, till God come mightily and lead out the spirit to the promise, or the devil turn it aside to unbelief.
It is as a thing of small weight in the air : the weight that it hath, carries it downwards ; and the air, with some breath of wind, bears it up again, so that it waves to and fro : sometimes it seems as though it would fall, by its own weight; and sometimes again, as though it would mount quite out of sight ; but poized between both it tosseth up and down, without any great gaining either way. The pro- mise draws the soul upward, and the weight of its unbelief sinks it downward: sometimes the promise attracts so powerfully, you would think the heart quite drawn up into it: and sometimes again unbelief presses down, that you would think it gone for ever ; but neither prevails utterly, the poor creature swaggs between both, this is to stagger. Like the two disciples going to Enimaus, Luke xxiv. 14. 'They talked together of the things that had happened,' debated the business, and ver. 22. they gave up the result
AND SINFULNESS OF STAGGERING. 267
of their thoughts. They * trusted it had been he that should have redeemed Israel ;' they trusted once, but now seeing him slain and crucified, they know not what to say to it. What then? do they quite give overall trusting in him? No, they cannot do so, ver. 23 — 25. Certain women had astonished them, and affirmed that he was risen ; yea, and others also going to his grave found it so : hereupon they 'have communication within themselves and are sad/ ver. 17. that is, they staggered, they were in a staggering condition: much appears for them, something against them, they know not what to do.
A poor soul, that hath been long perplexed in trouble and anxiety of mind, finds a sweet promise, Christ in a pro- mise suited to all his wants, coming with mercy to pardon him, with love to embrace him, with blood to purge him, and is raised up to roll himself in some measure upon this promise; on a sudden terrors arise, temptations grow strong, new corruptions break out, Christ in the promise dies to him, Christ in the promise is slain, is in the grave as to him ; so that he can only sigh, and say, I trusted for deliverance by Christ, but now all is gone again, I have little or no hope, Christ in the promise is slain to me. What then? shall he give over, never more inquire after this buried Christ, but sit down in darkness and sorrow ? No, he cannot do so : this morning some new arguments of Christ's appearance again upon the soul are made out; Christ is not for ever lost to him. What does he then? Steadfastly believe he cannot, totally give over he will not ; he staggers, he is full of self-communications, and is sad. This it is, to stagger at the promise of God.
I come now to prove, that notwithstanding any pretences whatever, all this staggering is from unbelief.
The two disciples, whom we now mentioned, that stag- gered and disputed between themselves in their journey to Emmaus, thought they had a good reason, and a sufficient ap- pearing cause of all their doubtings. ' We hoped,' say they, ' that it was he that should have delivered Israel. What do they now stand at ? Alas ! the ' chief-priests and rulers have condemned him to death, and crucified him ;' Luke xxiv. 20. And is it possible that deliverance should arise from a cru- cified man ? this makes them stagger. But when our Saviour