Oh! I shall never forget his love, nor the circumstances under which I was, when his love laid hold upon me. I was going to Damascus with letters from the high-priest, to make havock of God’s people there, as I had made havock of them in other places. These bloody letters were not imposed upon me. I went to the high-priest and desired them of him; Acts ix. 1, 2; and yet he saved me! I was one of the men, of the chief men, that had a hand in the blood of his martyr Stephen; yet he had mercy on me! When I was at Damascus, I stunk so horribly like a blood-sucker, that I became a terror to all thereabout. Yea, Ananias (good man) made intercession to my Lord against me; yet he would have mercy upon me, yea, joined mercy to mercy, until he had made me a monument of grace! He made a saint of me, and persuaded me that my transgressions were forgiven me.
When I began to preach, those that heard me were amazed, and said, “Is not this he that destroyed them that called on this name in Jerusalem, and came hither for that intent, that he might bring them bound to the high-priest?” Hell doth know that I was a sinner; heaven doth know that I was a sinner; the world also knows that I was a sinner, a sinner of the greatest size; but I obtained mercy; 1 Tim i. 15, 16.
Shall not this lay obligation upon me? Is not love of the greatest force to oblige? Is it not strong as death, cruel as the grave, and hotter than the coals of juniper? Hath it not a most vehement flame? can the waters quench it? can the floods drown it? I am under the force of it, and this is my continual cry, What shall I render to the Lord for all the benefits which he has bestowed upon me?
Ay, Paul! this is something; thou speakest like a man, like a man affected, and carried away with the love and grace of God. Now, this sense, and this affection, and this labour, giveth to Christ the love that he looks for. But he might have converted twenty little sinners, and yet not found, for grace bestowed, so much love in them all.
I wonder how far a man might go among the converted sinners of the smaller size, before one could find one that so much as looked any thing this wayward. Where is he that is thus under pangs of love for the grace bestowed upon him by Jesus Christ? Excepting only some few, you may walk to the world’s end, and find none. But, as I said, some there are, and so there has been in every age of the church, great sinners, that have had much forgiven them; and they love much upon this account.
Jesus Christ therefore knows what he doth, when he lays hold on the hearts of sinners of the biggest size. He knows that such an one will love more than many that have not sinned half their sins.
I will tell you a story that I have read of Martha and Mary; the name of the book I have forgot; I mean of the book in which I found the relation; but the thing was thus: Martha, saith my author, was a very holy woman, much like Lazarus her brother; but Mary was a loose and wanton creature; Martha did seldom miss good sermons and lectures, when she could come at them in Jerusalem; but Mary would frequent the house of sports, and the company of the vilest of men for lust: And though Martha had often desired that her sister would go with her to hear her preachers, yea, had often entreated her with tears to do it, yet could she never prevail; for still Mary would make her excuse, or reject her with disdain for her zeal and preciseness in religion.
After Martha had waited long, tried many ways to bring her sister to good, and all proved ineffectual, at last she comes upon her thus: “Sister,” quoth she, “I pray thee go with me to the temple to-day, to hear one preach a sermon.” “What kind of preacher is he?” said she. Martha replied, “It is one Jesus of Nazareth; he is the handsomest man that ever you saw with your eyes. Oh! he shines in beauty, and is a most excellent preacher.”
Now, what does Mary, after a little pause, but goes up into her chamber, and with her pins and her clouts, decks up herself as fine as her fingers could make her.
This done, away she goes, not with her sister Martha, but as much unobserved as she could, to the sermon, or rather to see the preacher.
The hour and preacher being come, and she having observed whereabout the preacher would stand, goes and sets herself so in the temple, that she might be sure to have the full view of this excellent person. So he comes in, and she looks, and the first glimpse of his person pleased her. Well, Jesus addresseth himself to his sermon, and she looks earnestly on him.