“Whatever money Mrs. Judson may need in America, I beg may be paid to her order on the Treasurer; and all such money I shall pass to the credit of the Board, and deduct from my usual allowance.... I have made such arrangements as will prevent the necessity of burdening the Board with any additional expense on this occasion, except that of passages at sea; and for this my only apology must be the extreme necessity of the case.
“Finally, I beg leave to recommend Mrs. Judson to the friends and patrons of the mission, as one who has faithfully labored many years in their service, and whose sole object in visiting her country once more is to recover her health and strength, that she may devote the remainder of her days to the promotion of the Redeemer’s cause among the perishing Burmans.”
Mrs. Judson embarked for Calcutta, on her way to America, August 21, 1821. Mr. Judson commends her to the care of Mr. Hough in these humorous and pathetic words:
“I send you herewith Mrs. Judson, and all that remains of the blue pill and senna, and beg you will see the articles all well packed and shipped for America by the earliest safe opportunity. Whatever expenses may be incurred be so good as to defray from your own funds, and transmit your bill to me.
“It is said that man is prone to jest in the depth of misery; and the bon-mots of the scaffold have been collected; you may add the above specimen to the list if you like. I feel as if I was on the scaffold, and signing, as it were, my own death warrant. However, two years will pass away at last. Time and tide wait for no man, heedless alike of our joys and sorrows.
“When I last wrote, I was in the latter part of Acts; since that time, I have done nothing at all. For ten days or a fortnight we were laid by with fever, unable to help one another; and since we became convalescent, I have been occupied in making up my mind to have my right arm amputated, and my right eye extracted, which the doctors say are necessary in order to prevent a decay and mortification of the whole body conjugal.”
His letters written to his wife during her absence betray here and there a sinking even of his buoyant spirits:
“_September 5, 1821._ I hope you enjoy more religion than I do. This heavy affliction does not have that salutary effect on my heart which I anticipated. Mercies and judgments seem to be thrown away on me, and I am afraid that I shall never make much advance in the divine life. I had such a view and sense of my depravity this morning as made me ready to give up all for lost—not, I mean, as it regards my interest in Christ—_there_ I feel strong—but as it regards any attainments in holiness, while remaining in this state of sin.
“Oh! how consoling it is to give up myself, and you, and the interests of the mission, into the faithful hands of Jesus, and to look forward to that blessed state, where we are sure of meeting, though we should meet no more on earth. The Lord reigns, and I feel, at times, that I can safely trust all in His hands, and rejoice in whatever may betide. If we suffer with Christ we shall also be glorified with Him.
“_September 12._ Company continued with me until after three o’clock; and then I found myself alone, and, for a few hours, was very desolate and unhappy.
“But about sunset, the time mentioned in your last letter for mutual prayer, I felt more comfortable.”
“I wish I could always feel as I did last evening, and have this morning. At first, on hearing Moung Shwa-gnong’s story, I felt much disheartened, and thought how pleasant it would be if we could find some quiet resting-place on earth, where we might spend the rest of our days together in peace, and perform the ordinary services of religion. But I fled to Jesus, and all such thoughts soon passed away. Life is short. Happiness consists not in outward circumstances. Millions of Burmans are perishing. I am almost the only person on earth who has attained their language to such a degree as to be able to communicate the way of salvation. How great are my obligations to spend and be spent for Christ! What a privilege to be allowed to serve Him in such interesting circumstances, and to suffer for Him! The heavenly glory is at hand. O, let me travel through this country, and bear testimony to the truth all the way from Rangoon to Ava, and show the path to that glory which I am anticipating. O, if Christ will only sanctify me and strengthen me, I feel that I can do all things. But in myself I am absolute nothingness; and when through grace I get a glimpse of divine things, I tremble lest the next moment will snatch it quite away.