This last paragraph is copied out of my journal, written down at the time, I add a few words more to the last sentences.
The natural mind is ever prone to reason, when we ought to believe; to be at work, when we ought to be quiet; to go our own way, when we ought steadily to walk on in God's ways, however trying to nature. When first converted, I should have said, What harm can there be to take some of the money, which has been put by for the Building Fund? God will help me again after some time with means for the Orphans, and then I can replace it. Or, there is this money due for the legacy of 100l. This money is quite sure; may I not, therefore, on the strength of it, take some from the Building Fund, and when the legacy is paid, replace the money which I have taken? I know that many would act thus. But how does it work, when we thus anticipate God, by going our own way? We bring, in many instances, guilt on our conscience; but if not, we certainly weaken faith, instead of increasing it; and each time we work thus a deliverance of our own, we find it more and more difficult to trust in God, till at last we give way entirely to our natural fallen reason, and unbelief prevails. How different, if one is enabled to wait God's own time, and to look alone to Him for help and deliverance! When at last help comes, after many seasons of prayer it may be, and after much exercise of faith and patience it may be, how sweet it is, and what a present recompense does the soul at once receive for trusting in God, and waiting patiently for His deliverance! Dear Christian reader, if you have never walked in this path of obedience before, do so now, and you will then know experimentally the sweetness of the joy which results from it. I now return to Oct. 9, 1852.
Received still further today, from Cirencester, 2l., and also 10l.
Oct. 10. From two little girls at Clifton, 5s.--By sale of a silver watch given for the purpose, 1l. 10s,--From a donor in Maryport Street, 3s. 4d.--Through Bethesda boxes 1s. Ditto 2s. 6d. Ditto a sovereign.--From a believer in Bristol 5s.--By sale of empty oatmeal barrels, 15s.
Oct. 11. From Sutton Points, 13s. 7d. Through the boxes in the New Orphan House, 3s.--From an Orphans formerly under our care, and now in service, 10s., with 10s. for the Building Fund.--From a Christian lady, recently come from Edinburgh, 1l.--Through a Christian lady, staying at Clifton, 5s.
Oct. 12. By sale of rags and bones 12s. 6d. [I copy literally from the receipt book. We seek to make the best of every thing. As a steward of public money, I feel it right that even these articles should be turned into money; nor could we expect answers to our prayers if knowingly there were any waste allowed in connexion with this work. For just because the money is received from God, simply in answer to prayer only, therefore it becomes us the more, to be careful in the use of it].-- By sale of Reports 5s.--From an Orphan box at Plymouth 3s., together with 8s. as a donation added, and 9s. for Reports. Still further help: This afternoon a lady of Clifton called at my house, and brought a check for 200l., which a gentlemen, whose name even I had never heard of, had sent her for the benefit of tine Orphans. We are not now in actual need, yet as 62l. lies already been paid out of what I have received since the 9th, and as other heavy payments are before me, in a few days, it is particularly kind of the Lord, to send this donation from a perfect stranger.
Nov. 13. Today was paid to me the legacy for the Orphans, to which reference has been made. I had no doubt it would come in in good time. Thus it is. The expenses are heavy, week after week. The day after tomorrow, I shall have again to pay out above 100l. for the Orphans.