12. Just as you came into my chamber, I was thinking with myself, what numbers of souls there are now in the world, in my condition at this very time, surprized with a summons to the other world; some taken from their _shops_ and _farms_, others from their _sports_ and _pleasures_, these at _suits at law_, those at _gaming-tables_, some on the _road_, others at their own _fire-sides_, and all seized at an hour when they thought not of it; frighted at the approach of death, confounded at the vanity of all their labours, designs and projects, astonished at the folly of their past lives, and not knowing which way to turn their thoughts, to find any comfort; their consciences flying in their faces, bringing all their sins to remembrance, presenting them with the sight of the angry Judge, the worm that never dies, the fire that is never quenched, the gates of hell, the powers of darkness, and the bitter pains of eternal death.
Oh my friends! bless God that you are not of this number, that you have time and strength so to employ yourselves, as may bring you peace at the last.
13. You, perhaps when you consider that I have lived free from scandal and debauchery, and in the communion of the church, wonder to see me so full of remorse and self-condemnation at the approach of death.
It is true, I have lived in the communion of the church, and frequented its service on _Sundays_, when I was not too _idle_, or otherwise disposed of by my _business_ and _pleasures_: but then, my conformity to the public worship has been rather a thing of course, than from any real intention of glorifying God; had it been so, I had been more devout when there, and more fearful of ever neglecting it.
14. But the thing that now surprizes me above all wonders, is this, that I never had so much as a _general intention_ of living up to the piety of the gospel. This never so much as entered into my heart. I never once in my life considered, whether my way of life was such as would procure me the mercy of God at this hour.
How easy a thing would salvation be, if it could fall into my careless hands, who have never had so much serious thought ♦about it, as about any one common bargain that I have made?
♦ duplicate word removed ‘about’
Do you think any thing can astonish and confound a dying man like this? What pain do you think a man must feel, when his conscience lays all this folly to his charge, when it shews him how regular, exact, and wise he has been in small matters, that are passed away like a dream, and how stupid and senseless he has lived without any reflection, in things of such eternal moment, as no heart can sufficiently conceive them?
Oh my friends! a careless life, unconcerned and inattentive to the duties of religion, is so without all excuse, so unworthy of the mercy of God, such a shame to the sense and reason of our minds, that I can hardly conceive a greater punishment, than for a man to be thrown into the state that I am in, to reflect upon it.
_Penitens_ was here going on, but had his mouth stopped by a _convulsion_, which never suffered him to speak any more. He lay convulsed for about twelve hours, and then gave up the ghost.