I must further relate to you something of the sorrow which I had before I was apprehended. Now I remember the words of the apostle, that I have had godly sorrow, and that godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation. 2 Cor. 7:10. Yea, I had such sorrow at times, that I did not know whither to turn, and sometimes cried to the Lord with a loud voice, saying: “O Lord, crush my old heart, and give me a new heart and mind, that I may be found upright before thine eyes.” Ezek. 36:26. I said to my dear husband: When I apply the rule of the Scriptures to my life, it seems to me as though I must perish. Well may I say with David: “Mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.” Ps. 38:4. I said: “My dear husband, pray the Lord for me; I am so harassed--the more I direct my thoughts to the Lord, the more the tempter assails me with other thoughts.” 1 Pet. 5:8. Thus I cried to the Lord, and said: “O Lord, thou surely knowest that I desire nothing but to fear thee.” My husband would comfort me sometimes; it seemed to him that I did nothing but what could stand in the sight of the Lord. I said: “I have not my first love” (Rev. 2:4); therefore I grieve, so that I cannot sleep. There is no hope to die unto sin, I apprehend to live a long time yet; though I strive never so much to reform, yet I remain as vile as ever: “O wretched man that I am, whither shall I go?” Rom. 7:24.
I should have written more to you, but the messenger came and informed me that we were to go [die]. My dearly beloved friends, such was the joyful sentence my husband, and I, and our brother heard: we showed each other such love, and had such a glad heart. I thanked the Lord so greatly, that the lords all heard it. They bade me keep silence, but I spoke fearlessly. When we had heard our sentence, all three of us spoke, and said that they had condemned righteous blood, and other words. My dear husband spoke so friendly, and said so often, with a glad countenance, that all the people beheld it: “Yes, we thank the Lord!”
Herewith I commend you to the Lord. Hasten to come to us, and that we may live with each other in eternity.
_Another letter or confession of Claesken._
When we were before the full council, we were addressed by the Procurator General of the council, who presented to the lords a general statement of what we had confessed before the commissary, and made a long speech, how long we had not been to church, that we had not had our children baptized, and that we were Anabaptists, and said that according to the decree we had forfeited our lives, and that our property had lapsed into the hands of the King. Thus he accused us before the lords, and harangued us upon life and property, and when he had related how and where we had received our baptism, he asked us whether we would adhere to our baptism. We boldly and fearlessly said with a glad heart, that we had received one baptism according to the command of the Lord. Our brother Jacques said that if the contrary could be proven to him with the word of the Lord, he did not want to act contrary to his word.
My husband said that he would adhere to his baptism. And I said, as our brother had said, that we had received one baptism according to the word of the Lord. Every time he said: “Just as you think.” He then asked us, whether we did not wish an advocate. Our brother said: “The Lord is our Advocate.” 1 John 2:1. With this we went away. We went from the council glad and joyful, though it was to cost our lives. Acts 5:41.