If I am wanting even in these lowest endowments, shall I not frequently regret the want? How often shall I move heavily, and be far less useful than I might have been? How much more shall I suffer in my usefulness, if I have wasted the opportunities I once had of acquainting myself with the great lights of antiquity, the _Antenicene_ fathers? Or if I have droned away those precious hours, wherein I might have made myself master of the _sciences_? How poorly must I many times drag on, for want of the helps which I have vilely cast away? But is not my case still worse, if I have loitered away the time wherein I should have perfected myself in _Greek_ and _Hebrew_? I might before this have been critically acquainted with the treasuries of sacred knowledge. But they are now hid from my eyes; they are close locked up, and I have no key to open them. However, have I used all possible diligence to supply that grievous defect, (so far as it can be supplied now) by the most accurate knowledge of the _English_ scriptures? Do I meditate therein day and night? Do I think (and consequently speak) thereof, _when I sit in the house, and when I walk by the way; when I lie down, and when I rise up_? By this means have I at length attained a thorough knowledge as of the sacred text, so of its literal and spiritual meaning? Otherwise how can I attempt to instruct others therein? Without this, I am _a blind guide_ indeed! I am absolutely incapable of teaching my flock, what I have never learned myself: no more fit to lead souls to God, than I am to govern the world.
(2.) And yet there is a higher consideration than that of _gifts_; higher than any or all of these joined together; a consideration in view of which all _external_ and all _intellectual endowments_ vanish into nothing. Am I such as I ought to be, with regard to the _grace_ of God? The Lord God enable me to judge aright of this!
And 1. What was my _intention_ in taking upon me this office and ministry? What was it, in taking charge of this parish, either as minister or curate? Was it always, and is it now, wholly and solely, to glorify God, and save souls? Has my eye been singly fixed on this, from the beginning hitherto? Had I never, have I not now, any mixture in my intention; any alloy of baser metal? Had I, or have I no thought of worldly gain? _Filthy lucre_, as the apostle terms it. Had I at first, have I now, no secular view? No eye to honour or preferment? To a plentiful income? Or, at least, a competency? A warm and comfortable livelihood?
*Alas, my brother! _If the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness?_ Was a _comfortable livelihood_ then your motive for entering into the ministry? And do you avow this in the face of the sun, and without one blush upon your cheek? I cannot compare you with _Simon Magus_: you are many degrees beneath him. He offered to _give money_ for the _gift of_ God, the power of conferring the Holy Ghost. Hereby however he shewed, that he set an higher value on _the gift_ than on the _money_ which he would have parted with for it. But you do not: you set a far higher value on _the money_ than on _the gift_; insomuch that you do not desire, you will not accept of _the gift_, unless _the money_ accompany it! The bishop said, when you was ordained, “Receive thou the Holy Ghost.” But that was the least of your care. Let who will receive this, so you receive the money, the revenue of a good benefice. While you minister the word and sacraments before God, he gives the Holy Ghost to those who duly receive them: so that _through your hands_ likewise _the Holy Ghost is_ in this sense _given_ now. But you have little concern whether he be or not: so little, that you will minister no longer, he shall be given no more either through your lips or hands, if you have no more money for your labour. O _Simon_, _Simon_! what a saint wert thou, compared to many of the most honourable men now in Christendom?
Let not any either ignorantly or wilfully mistake me. I would _not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn_. I know the spiritual _labourer_ too _is worthy of his reward_; and that if _we sow_ unto our flock _spiritual things_, it is meet that we _reap of their carnal things_. I do not therefore blame, no, not in any degree, a minister’s _taking_ a yearly salary: but I blame his _seeking_ it. The thing blameable is, the having it in his view, as the motive, or any part of the motive, for entering into this sacred office.
_Hic nigræ succus loliginis, hæc est Ærugo mera._