_Of his death._
1. ON _Wednesday, September 17_, (and some days preceding) he was under great trouble of mind; and a friend asking him that morning, How he had rested in the night? He answered, “Not well. I have been this night sore tossed with the thoughts of eternity. I have been thinking on the _Terribilia Dei_¹, and all that is difficult in death to a Christian. All my enemies have been round about me. I had a great conflict, and faith was like to fail. O that I may be kept now in this last trial, from being an offence to his people!”
¹ _i. e._ The terrible things of God.
In the afternoon, when some of his brethren visited him, he said, “I am but young, and of little experience, but this death-bed now makes me old; therefore I use the freedom to exhort you to faithfulness in the Lord’s work. You will never repent this. He is a good master. I have always found him so. If I had a thousand lives I should think all too little to be employed in his service.”
2. _Thursday, September 18._ Being asked in the morning, How he was? He said, “O what a terrible conflict had I yesterday! But now I may say, I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith. Now he hath put a new song in my mouth. Praise, praise is comely for the upright. Shortly I shall have another sight of God than ever I had, and be more fit to praise him than ever. O the thoughts of an incarnate God are sweet and ravishing! And, O! how do I wonder at myself, that I do not admire him more! O that I could honour him? What a wonder I enjoy such composure under these pains, and in view of approaching death! O, what a mercy, that I have the use of my reason, till I have declared his goodness to me!”
To his wife he said, “He came to me in the third watch of the night, walking upon the waters; and he said to me, I am _Alpha_ and _Omega_, the beginning and the end: I was dead, and am alive, and live for evermore and have the keys of death and hell. He stilled the tempest of my soul, and there is a sweet calm.”
When desired to be tender of his health, he said, “I’ll strive to last as long as I can. I have no more to do with my time, but to _tepe it out_¹ for the glory of God.” Then he said, “I shall see my Redeemer stand on the earth at the last day. But before then, I shall see the Lamb in the midst of the throne. O, it will be a glorious company, the spirits of just men made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new covenant! O, for grace! Grace to be patient to the end!”
¹ _i. e._ Spend it thriftily.
Then he desired a minister to pray.
After prayer, he called for a little water to wash his eyes, and said, “I hope to get them washed shortly, and made like doves eyes, and then farewel sin, farewel sorrow.”
Then taking some refreshment, he said, “I get sleep from him, and food from him; and I shall get himself. My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”
Seeing his youngest child, he said to her “_Mary_, my dear, the Lord bless you; the God of your father, and my father, bless you; the God that fed me all my life; the angel that redeemed me from evil, bless you and the rest, and be your portion; that is a good heritage, better then if I had crowns and scepters to leave you. My child, I received you from him, and I give you to him again.”
To his wife he said, “My dear encourage yourself in the Lord; he will keep you, though you even fall into enemies hands.” And then, declaring his willingness to part with his dearest relations, he said, “This is the practice of religion, to make use of it when we come to the pinch; this is a lesson of practical divinity.”
When the physician came, he said, “Doctor, as to this piece of work, you are near at an end of it. God be with you, and persuade you to be in earnest; I return you thanks for your diligence. Is my pulse low? I am well pleased it is. I would have been content to have been away long e’re now; a few strokes more, and victory, victory, forever, through the captain of our salvation!”
“Now get acquaintance with God. The little acquaintance I have had with God within these two days, has been better than ten thousand times the pains I have been at all my life about religion. It is good to have him to go to, when we are turning our face to the wall. He is known in _Sion_ for a sure refuge, a very present help in trouble.”
“What a strange hardness there is in the hearts of men? But whether they will hear, or whether they will forbear, it is our duty to speak; and when we are dead and gone, what we spoke in the name of the Lord, may take hold of them.”
To his eldest child he said, “Ah, _Margaret_, you seem sometimes to have convictions from God. Beware of them; they are the most dangerous things you ever meddled with. Each of them is God’s messenger; and if you despise the messenger of God, he will be avenged of you.”