In places of publick worship, he hardly ever saw any body, so as to distinguish them; and in every means of grace, his grand aim was, to find more of God _within_ him. He waited for this in lively earnest composure; and thus approaching the Lord’s table in particular, he _ate the flesh and drank the blood of the Son of_ God indeed. “My heart burned! Was in a flame! O what a fire of divine love was there!” were the frequent memorials which he left in his diary, after communicating those heavenly sweets, which often overflowed his soul at the altar, and spread their inundation over every other part of his holy living. His recollection carried itself into the midst of all his labours, in which he was still preserved, without dissipation, notwithstanding their multiplicity, and sometimes intricate nature. It was very usual with him to express what he felt of God, by the simile of _fire_, to which the operations of the _Holy Ghost_ are frequently compared in scripture. He often felt in prayer, in preaching, and walking, a kind of scorching within him, from the love of God. And from the abundance of the heart, his mouth generally spoke. Words of life, and fire issued as it were out of his lips, which were no other than the sparks of a burning heart. And often he could hardly refrain from expressing the holy raptures of his soul out aloud; as, _O holy_ God! _Glorious_ Jehovah! _Blessed_ Jesus! _Son of the living_ God! He used frequently to stand up and sing,
O love, how chearing is thy ray! All pain before thy presence flies! Care, anguish, sorrow melt away, Where’er thy healing beams arise; O Jesu, nothing may I see, Nothing hear, feel, or think but thee!
Give to my eyes refreshing tears, Give to my heart chase hallow’d fires, Give to my soul with filial fears, The love that all heaven’s host inspires: That all my powers with all their might In thy sole glory may unite!
There was at first an eagerness in his spirit for the success of his labours, but he in time became unanxious on the head, being taught of God, that having done his part, he should think no more about the matter, but still go on straight forward, keeping himself in repose with God: in imitation of the angels, who continually watch over the souls, which God hath given them in charge; but who lose nothing of their tranquility or happiness, even when their utmost care is unsuccessful.
And from hence partly, arose that extreme tenderness of conscience, which was so remarkable in him, and which gave him a constant holy jealousy over himself in every thing he did; so that not a word, motion, or a look, could escape him, unexamined or uncensured, if it deserved it; hence likewise it was, that he had so very peculiar a regard to all his words; speaking either to the purpose, that is, when occasion required him to speak, or not at all. And yet notwithstanding his utmost circumspection, he was deeply conscious, how far short he still came of that rectitude, and entire renovation becoming a person in fellowship with the God of unspotted holiness.