“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.¹ My brother and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures, _He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me_. And, _Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom of God_. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and went immediately to _Bellygarane_ (where were a colony of _Germans_) and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus! What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his course with joy!”
¹ He was then going to _England_ the third, and which was the last time.
“Meeting the penitents, I could hardly speak in the last prayer, I was so overpowered with the presence and majesty of God.”
“I rose early this morning, after watering my pillow with my tears more than ever I remember to have done before.”
“Throughout the various exercises of the day I had strong assurance, that the Lord would eternally save me; especially as I sat at dinner, conversing with my brethren of the things of God.”
“Having this evening to myself without preaching (a rare thing with him) I shut myself up, and sought the Lord with prayers and tears. Shew me, my Lord, thy glory, or let me die that I may see thee! If I cannot perfectly love thee, and do thy will upon earth, send for me and take my soul to heaven. But Lord, God, hast thou not spoken by _Moses_, _Deuteronomy xxx. 6._ and by _Ezekiel xxxiv. 23‒32._ If these are thy words and promises, I pray and plead, that they may be fulfilled in me, according to their utmost extent, O come and baptize me with fire!”
“At prayer with some friends, the Lord applied powerfully to my heart, ‘Go and sin no more!’ Now the Lord has answered for himself. I believe it is his will, that from this moment I should sin no more! and that I should have such a faith, as never to depart from Christ in thought, word, or deed; that so, being inseparably one with him I should walk in the spirit, and sing and praise him evermore! Angels praise my Saviour!”
“_1757. Sunday._ All the day I was happy in my Lord, rejoicing in confidence that he would save me eternally. I could pray, and love, and weep.”
“It was a day of great blessing, and of great trials. I came home through much snow and rain. But it was all sweet with Christ. I called on the strong for strength; and after meditation, lay down in peace.”
“_Thursday._ I employed all the day in reading the _Hebrew_ and _Greek_ scriptures, save some time which I spent in endeavouring to convince a man, that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use of the church liturgy.”
“With a heart full of matter, I preached on _Ephesians vi. 11._ I could truly say, that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me, than thousands of gold and silver.”
“At dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after God, I felt such an assurance of eternal salvation, as I never had before; not with such clearness of evidence.”
“I felt great love to all mankind. My soul pleaded with God in their behalf. O Jesus hasten thy kingdom. Come and put a period to sin and misery! O my God, suffer not a vain thought to live in me. I never can rest till Jesus has poured his humble, pure, and happy mind into my soul. For some moments I did taste of the felicity of heaven; but thro’ pain and unbelief it was of short continuance.”
“_Friday._ It being the public fast. I preached on Isaiah lviii. 3. It was a day of feasting to my soul. With great delight I rested in my God. And it seemed to me, that the people of God were not yet to suffer. Hereafter it will be; but at present, the grand controversy is with antichrist.¹ Jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant.”
¹ For some considerable time before, and during great part of his last sickness, his thoughts entered deeply, into the prophecies of _Daniel_ and the _Revelation_. He calculated the times with great exactness, and spared no labour and pains, to be fully informed concerning the great things which those passages teach still await the world. In short he was rapt up in those future scenes, _hastening to the coming of the Son of_ God, in his kingdom of grace and glory. His opinion was, that great and amazing things were at the door, and he has frequently said to a young man, “My brother if you live to the years of a man (meaning three score and ten) you shall see these things.”
“I seek perfection, and uninterrupted communion with the blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. True; I am not worthy of the crumbs under thy table; yet I look thro’ thy rich grace, for all the precious and eternal blessings of the new Covenant.”