*Thursday, August 25. I find it is impossible to enjoy peace and tranquility of mind without a careful improvement of time. This is really an imitation of God and Christ Jesus: “My father worketh hitherto, and I work,” says our Lord. And, if we would be like God, we must see that we fill up our time for him.――I daily long to dwell in perfect light and love. In the mean time, my soul mourns that I make so little preparation for the world of blessedness: I see and know that I am a barren tree in God’s vineyard, and that he might justly say, “Cut it down.” O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in grace, for his own glory!
Lord’s-day, August 28. I was much perplexed with some Dutchmen. All their discourse turned upon the things of the world. Oh, what a _hell_ it would be to spend an eternity with such men! Well might David say, “I beheld the transgressors and was grieved.”――But adored be God, _heaven_ is a place “into which no unclean thing enters.” O I long for the holiness of that world! Lord prepare me for it.
Wednesday, August 31. Eternal things engrossed all my thoughts; and I longed to be in the world of spirits. O how happy is it, to have all our thoughts swallowed up in that world; to feel one’s self a stranger in this, diligently seeking a road through it, a sure road to the heavenly Jerusalem!
Thursday, September 1. I always feel comfortably when God realizes death, and the things of another world to my mind: whenever my mind is taken off from the things of this world, and set on God, my soul is at _rest_.
Tuesday, September 13. I rode to New-Haven. *I find, though my inward trials are great, and a life of solitude gives them greater advantages to penetrate the inmost recesses of the soul; yet it is better to be alone, than incumbered with noise and tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining a sense of divine things, while removing from place to place, diverted with new objects, and filled with care and business. A settled steady business is best adapted to a life of strict religion.
Wednesday, September 14. This day I ought to have taken my _degree_;¹ but God sees fit to deny it me. And though I was afraid of being overwhelmed with confusion, when I should see my _class-mates_ take theirs; yet, in the very season of it, God enabled me with calmness to say, “The will of the Lord be done.” Indeed, I have scarcely felt my mind so sedate and comfortable for some time. I have long feared this season, and expected my humility, meekness, patience, and resignation would be tried: but found much more pleasure and divine comfort than I expected.
¹ This being commencement-day.
Thursday, September 15. It is always a comfort to me, to hear spiritual discourse. O that ministers and people were more spiritual and devoted to God!――Towards night, I offered the following reflections in writing, to the rector ♦and trustees of the college, (the same that I had offered to the rector before, and intreated him to accept;) and this I did, that if possible I might cut off all occasion of offence, from those that seek occasion.
♦ duplicate word “and” removed
*“Whereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr. Whittelsey, one of the tutors of Yale-college, that I did not believe he had any more grace than the chair I then leaned upon; I humbly confess that herein I have sinned against God, and acted contrary to the rules of his word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right to make thus free with his character; and had no just reason to say as I did concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that I said this concerning one that was so much my superior, and one that I was obliged to treat with special respect and honour, by reason of the relation I stood in to him in the college. Such a manner of behaviour, I confess, did not become a Christian; it was taking too much upon me, and did not favour of that humble respect, that I ought to have expressed towards Mr. Whittelsey. I have often reflected on this act with grief, on account of the sin of it: and am willing to lie low, and be abased before God and man for it: and humbly ask the forgiveness of the governors of the college, and of the whole society; but of Mr. Whittelsey in particular. And I now appear, to judge and condemn myself for going once to the separate meeting in New-Haven, though the rector had refused to give me leave. For this I humbly ask the rector’s forgiveness. And whether the governors of the college shall ever see cause to remove the academical censure I lie under, or no, yet I am willing to appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble myself for those things I have herein confessed.”