95. And what is the comfort you have found out for me in these circumstances? Why, that “I shall not die a beggar.” So now I am supposed to be heaping up riches,――“that I may leave them behind me.” Leave them behind me! For whom? My wife and children? Who are they? They are yet unborn. Unless thou meanest the children of faith whom God hath given me. But my heavenly Father feedeth them. Indeed if I lay up riches at all, it must be _to leave behind me_: (seeing my fellowship is a provision for life.) But I cannot understand this. What comfort would it be to my soul, now launched into eternity, that I had _left behind me_ gold as the dust, and silver as the sand of the sea? Will it follow me over the great gulph? Or can I go back to it? Thou that liftest up thy eyes in hell, what do thy riches profit thee now? Will all thou once hadst under the sun, gain thee a drop of water to cool thy tongue? O the comfort of riches left _behind_ to one who is tormented in that flame!――You put me in mind of those celebrated lines (which I once exceedingly admired) addressed by way of consolation to the soul of a poor self-murderer:
“Yet shall thy grave with rising flowers be drest, And the green turf lie light upon thy breast! Here shall the year its earliest beauties shew: Here the first roses of the spring shall blow: While angels with their silver wings o’er shade The place now sacred by thy relics made.”
96. I will now simply tell you my sense of these matters, whether you will hear, or whether you will forbear. Food and raiment I have; such food as I chuse to eat, and such raiment as I chuse to put on. I have a place where to lay my head. I have what is needful for life and godliness. And I apprehend this is all the world can afford. The kings of the earth can give me no more. For as to gold and silver I count it dung and dross; I trample it under my feet. I (yet not I, but by the grace of God that is in me) esteem it just as the mire in the streets. I desire it not: I seek it not; I only fear lest any of it should cleave to me and I should not be able to shake it off, before my spirit returns to God. It must indeed pass through my hands; but I will take care (God being my helper) that the mammon of unrighteousness shall only pass through; it shall not rest there. None of the accursed thing shall be found in my tents, when the Lord calleth me hence. And hear ye this, all you who have discovered the treasures which I am to leave behind me. If I leave behind me ten pounds (above my debts, and my books; or what may happen to be due on account of them) you and all mankind bear witness against me, “that I lived and died a thief and a robber.”
97. Before I conclude, I cannot but intreat you who know God, to review the whole matter from the foundation. Call to mind what the state of religion was in our nation a few years since. In whom did you find the _holy tempers_ that were in Christ? Bowels of mercies, lowliness, meekness, gentleness, contempt of the world, patience, temperance, long-suffering? A burning love to God, rejoicing evermore and in every thing giving thanks; and a tender love to all mankind, covering, believing, hoping, enduring all things? Perhaps you did not know one such man in the world. But how many, that had _all unholy tempers_? What vanity and pride, what stubbornness and self-will, what anger, fretfulness, discontent, what suspicion and resentment, what inordinate affections, what irregular passions, what foolish and hurtful desires might you find, in those who were called the _best_ of men? In those who made the strictest profession of religion? And how few did you know who went so far as the _profession_ of religion, who had even the _form of godliness_? Did you not frequently bewail, wherever your lot was cast, the general want even of _outward religion_? How few were seen at the public worship of God? How much fewer at the Lord’s table? And was even this little flock zealous of good works, careful as they had time, to do good to all men? On the other hand, did you not with grief observe, _outward irreligion_ in every place? Where could you be for one week, without being an eye or an ear-witness, of cursing, swearing, or prophaneness, of sabbath-breaking or drunkenness, of quarrelling or brawling, of revenge or obscenity? Were these things done in a corner? Did not gross iniquity of all kinds overspread our land as a flood? Yea, and daily increase, in spite of all the opposition which the children of God did or could make against it.