From the year 1725 to 1729, I preached much, but saw no fruit of my labour. Indeed it could not be that I should; for I neither laid the foundation of _repentance_, nor of _believing the gospel_: taking it for granted, that all to whom I preached, were _believers_; and that many of them _needed no repentance_. 2. From the year 1729 to 1734, laying a deeper foundation of repentance, I saw a little fruit. But it was only a little; and no wonder. For I did not preach faith in the blood of the covenant. 3. From 1734 to 1738, speaking more of faith in Christ, I saw more fruit of my preaching, and visiting from house to house, than ever I had done before: though I know not, if any of those who were outwardly reformed, were inwardly and throughly converted to God. 4. From 1738 to this time, speaking continually of Jesus Christ, laying him only for the foundation of the whole building, making him all in all, the first and the last: preaching wholly on this plan, _The kingdom of God is at hand; repent ye and believe the gospel_: The _word of God ran_ as fire among the stubble; it _was glorified_ more and more: multitudes crying out, _What must we do to be saved?_ And afterwards witnessing, _By grace we are saved through faith_. * 5. I considered deeply with myself, what I ought to do? Whether to declare the things I had seen or not? I consulted the most serious friends I had. They all agreed, I ought to declare them: that the work itself was of such a kind, as ought in no wise to be concealed; and indeed, that the unusual circumstances now attending it, made it impossible that it should. 6. This very difficulty occurred, “Will not my speaking of this be _boasting_? At least, will it not be counted so?” They replied, “if you speak of it as _your own_ work, it will be _vanity_ and _boasting_ all over: but if you ascribe it wholly to God, if you give him all the praise, it will not. And if, after this, some will account it so still, you must be content, and bear the burden.” 7. I yielded, and transcribed my papers for the press; only labouring, as far as possible, to _render unto God the things which are God’s_, to give him the praise of his own work.
* 2. But this very thing you improve into a fresh objection. If I ascribe any thing to God, it is _enthusiasm_. If I do not (or if I do) it is _vanity and boasting_, supposing me to mention it at all. What then can I do to escape your censure? “Why, be silent, say nothing at all.” I cannot. I dare not. Were I thus to _please men_, I could _not be the servant of Christ_.
* You do not appear to have the least idea or conception of what is in the heart of one, whom it pleases him that worketh all in all, to employ in a work of this kind. He is in no wise forward to be at all employed therein; he starts back, again and again: not only, because he readily foresees, what shame, care, sorrow, reproach, what loss of friends and of all that the world accounts dear, will inevitably follow: but much more, because he (in some measure) knows himself. This chiefly it is which constrains him to cry out, (and that many times, in the bitterness of his soul, when no human eye seeth him,) “O Lord! Send by whom thou wilt send! Only, send not me!――――What am I? A worm! A dead dog! A man unclean in heart and lips!”――――And when he dares no longer gainsay or resist, when he is at last _thrust out into the harvest_, he looketh on the right hand, and on the left, he takes every step with fear and trembling, and with the deepest sense (such as words cannot express) of, _who is sufficient for these things_? Every gift which he has received of God, for the furtherance of his word, whether of nature or grace, heightens this fear, and increases his jealousy over himself: knowing that so much the stricter must the enquiry be, when he gives an account of his stewardship. He is most of all jealous over himself, when the work of the Lord prospers in his hand. He is then amazed and confounded before God. Shame covers his face. Yet when he sees, that he ought _to praise the Lord for his goodness, and to declare the wonders which he doth for the children of men_, he is in a strait between two: he knows not which way to turn: he cannot speak: he dares not be silent. It may be, for a time he _keeps his mouth with a bridle; he holds his peace even from good. But his heart is hot within him_, and constrains him, at length, to declare what God hath wrought. And this he then doth in all simplicity, with _great plainness of speech_, desiring only to commend himself to him, who _searcheth the heart and trieth the reins_: and, (whether his words are the _savour of life_ or _of death_ to others) to have that witness in himself, _as of sincerity, as of God, in the sight of God, speak we in Christ_.――――If any man counts this _boasting_, he cannot help it. It is enough, that a higher judge standeth at the door.