110. The soul that is troubled with doubts whether he love God as God, or only as a means of his own felicity in subordination to self-love, must thus resolve his doubts. If you truly believe that God is God, that is, the efficient, dirigent, and final cause, the just end of every rational agent, the infinite good and chiefly to be loved, in comparison of whom you are vile, contemptible, and as nothing; if you feelingly take yourself as loathsome by sin; if you would not take up with an everlasting sensual pleasure alone, without holiness, if you could have it; no, nor with any perfection of your intellectual nature, merely as such, and for yourselves, without the pleasing and glorifying God in it; if you practically perceive that every thing is therefore, and so far, good and amiable, as God shineth in it as its cause, or as it conduceth to glorify him, and please his will; if, accordingly, you love that person best, on whom you perceive most of God, and that is most serviceable to him, though not at all beneficial to yourself; if you love the welfare of the church, the kingdom, the world, and of the heavenly society, saints, angels, and Christ, as the divine nature, interest, image, or impress maketh all lovely in their several degrees; and would rather be annihilated, were it put upon your choice, than saints, angels, kingdoms, church should be annihilated; if your hearts have devoted themselves, and all that you have, to God, as his own, to be used to his utmost service; if your chief desire and endeavour in the world be to please his blessed will; and in that will, and the contemplation of his infinite perfections, you seek your rest; if you desire your own everlasting happiness in no other kind, but as consisting in the perfect sight of God's glory, and in your perfect loving of him, and being pleasant or beloved to him, and this as resting more in the infinite amiableness of God, than the felicity which hence will follow to yourselves, though that also must be desired; if now you deny your own glory for his glory; if your chief desire and endeavour be to love him more and more, and you love yourselves best when you love him most; in a word, if nothing more take up your care than how to love God more, and nothing in the whole world (yourselves or others) seem more amiable to your sober, practical judgment, and your wills, than the infinite goodness of God as such;--if all this be so, you have not only attained sincerity, (which is not now the question,) but this divine nature, and high, confirmed holiness; though, withal, you never so much desire your own salvation, which is but to desire more of this love; and though your nature have such a sensitive, selfish desire of life and pleasure, as is brought into subjection to this divine love.
If any be offended that so many propositions must be used in opening the case, and say that they rather confound men's wits than inform them; I answer, 1. The matter is high, and I could not ascend by a shorter ladder. Nor have I the faculty of climbing it _per saltum_, stepping immediately from the lowest to the highest part. If any will make the case plainer in fewer words, and with less ado, I shall thankfully accept his labour as a very great benefit when I see it. 2. Either all these particulars are really diverse, and really pertinent to the matter in question, or not: if not, it is not blaming the number that will evince it, but naming such particulars as are either unjustly or unnecessarily distinguished or inserted. And if it be but repeating the same things that is blamed, I shall be glad if all these words, and more, would make such weighty cases clear; and do confess that, after all, I need more light, and am almost stalled with the difficulties myself. But if the particulars can be neither proved false nor needless, but the reader be only overset with multitude, I would entreat him to be patient with other men, that are more laborious and more capable of knowledge: and let him know, that if his difficulties do not rather engage him in a diligent search, than tempt him to impatience and accusation, I number him, not only with the slothful contemners, but therefore also, with the enemies of knowledge; even as I reckon the neglecters, and contemners, and accusers of piety among its enemies.
But ere I end, I must answer some objections.
_Object._ I. Some will say, Doth not every man love God above himself and all, while he knoweth him to be better, and so more lovely? For there is some act of the will, that answereth this of the understanding.