1. When idle words are frequent, multiplied, and made their common talk and custom: which is the case of some men, but of abundance of loquacious women; whose natural disposition inclineth them thereto. One that hath but little wit, and much self-conceitedness, and passion, will have a torrent of words for a drop of sense.[530] If they meet but with a person so patient and idle as to give them the hearing, they will sit a whole hour together with you, yea, many hours, to tell you first how the affairs go between them and their husbands, or children, or servants; and then talk of their cattle, house, or land; and then tell you of news, and enter into a long discourse of other men's matters, which they neither understand nor have any thing to do with: and next they talk of the weather; and then of the market, what is cheap and what is dear; and then they tell you what this body said to them, and what the other body said; and then they tell you a story of the old times, and how the world is changed, and how much better the former times were than these: then they tell you what wrong such a one did them, and what he said of them, and how bad this or that man is, and what they said or did amiss; and what the report of the country is of such and such: then they tell you what clothes such a one wears, and how fine and gallant such a one is, and who keepeth a good house, and who is niggardly and sparing: then they tell you what meat was at such and such a table or feast; and if they be at meat, they have something to say about every dish, and every sort of meat or drink; especially news takes up much of their discourse.[531] And it is well if in all this, the sermon of the preacher, or his prayer, or his life, be not brought in to fill up the empty places of the discourse; and it may be the king and his council, and his laws, and his doings, shall be defiled by these parrots' unreverend prattlings, as well as meaner things and persons: so that, as Theophrastus saith, he that would not fall into a fever, let him run from them in all the haste he can. I should rather think it would cast one into the scurvy, if weariness be so great a symptom of it as they say. He that hath nothing to do in this world, nor any thing to do for the world to come; and that hath no use for his time, or wit, or tongue, or hands, but waketh as he sleepeth, and liveth as he must lie when he is dead; he that hath neither master, work, nor wages, but thinks he is made to see leaves wag, or hear flies buzz; let him choose such a companion, and let him sit and hear such people chat. For my part, I can easilier endure to have them call me morose, or proud, or uncivil, or any thing; nay, I had rather be digging, or ploughing, or ridding kennels, than endure the tediousness of their discourses.[532] Dionysius sent one to be put to death, for finding fault with his poetry; but called him again to try him once more; and the man rose up in the midst of his recitation, saying, Come, let me go to the gibbet, as choosing to die rather than to be so wearied. I am not so impatient; but I should be glad if I could sleep well while I am tied to such company. And if I had one to send to school that were sick of the talking evil, the _morbus loquendi_, I would give (as Isocrates required) a double pay to the schoolmaster willingly, one part for teaching him to hold his tongue, and the other half for teaching him to speak. I should think many such men and women half cured, if they were half as weary of speaking as I am of hearing them. He that lets such twattling swallows build in his chimney, may look to have his pottage savour of their dung. Nay, though they may have some learning and goodness to season their discourse, their too much loquacity will make one's stomach turn against it; and the surfeit may make some queazy stomachs distaste even the more wholesome food. Pompey was so weary of Tully's talkativeness, that he wished he had been on Cæsar's side, for then he would have feared me, (saith he,) whereas now his familiarity wearieth me.
Omne supervacuum pleno de pectore manat.