§ 12. (5.) Their memories will moreover be as large and strong as their understandings and affections. Could they but lose the use of their memory, their loss of heaven being forgot, would little trouble them. Though they would account annihilation a singular mercy, they cannot lay aside any part of their being. Understanding, conscience, affections, memory, must all live to torment them, which should have helped to their happiness. As by these they should have fed upon the love of God, and drawn forth perpetually the joys of his presence, so by these must they feed upon his wrath, and draw forth continually the pains of his absence. Now they have no leisure to consider, nor any room in their memories for the things of another life; but then they shall have nothing else to do; their memories shall have no other employment. God would have had the doctrine of their eternal state _written on the posts of their doors, on their hands and hearts_; he would have had them mind it, and _mention it when they lay down and rose up, when they sat in their house, and when they walked by the way_; and seeing they rejected this counsel of the Lord, therefore it shall be written always before them in the place of their thraldom, that which way soever they look, they may still behold it.—It will torment them to think of the greatness of the glory they have lost. If it had been what they could have spared, or a loss to be repaired with any thing else, it had been a small matter. If it had been health, or wealth, or friends, or life, it had been nothing. But, oh! to lose _that exceeding eternal weight of glory_!—It will also torment them to think of the possibility they once had of obtaining it. Then they will remember, "Time was, when I was as fair for the kingdom as others. I was set upon the stage of the world, if I had played my part wisely and faithfully, I might now have had possession of the inheritance. I might have been among yonder blessed saints, who am now tormented with these damned fiends. The Lord did _set before me life and death_; and having chose death, I deserve to suffer it. _The prize_ was held out before me; if I had _run well_, I might have _obtained it_; if I had _striven_, I might have had _the victory_; if I had _fought_ valiantly, I had been _crowned_."—It will yet more torment them to remember, that their obtaining the crown was, not only possible, but very probable. It will wound them to think, "I had once the gales of the Spirit ready to have assisted me. I was purposing to be another man, to have cleaved to Christ, and forsook the world. I was almost resolved to have been wholly for God. I was once even turning from my base seducing lusts. I had cast off my old companions, and was associating myself with the godly. Yet I turned back, lost my hold, and broke my promises. I was _almost persuaded to be a real Christian_, yet I conquered those persuasions. What workings were in my heart, when a faithful minister pressed home the truth! O how fair was I once for heaven! I almost had it, and yet I have lost it! Had I _followed on to seek the Lord_, I had now been blessed among the saints."
§ 13. It will exceedingly torment them to remember their lost opportunities. "How many weeks, and months, and years, did I lose, which if I had improved I might now have been happy? Wretch that I was! could I find no time to study the work, for which I had all my time? no time among all my labors, to labor for eternity? Had I time to eat, and drink, and sleep, and none to save my soul? Had I time for mirth and vain discourse, and none for prayer? Could I take time to secure the world, and none to try my title to heaven? O precious time! I had once enough, and now I must have no more. I had once so much, I knew not what to do with it; and now it is gone, and cannot be recalled. O that I had but one of those years to live over again! How speedily would I repent! How earnestly would I pray! How diligently would I hear! How closely would I examine my state! How strictly would I live! But 'tis now too late, alas! too late."