Let your prayers be common. [440] Let each go to Church; and let the husband ask his wife at home, and she again ask her husband, the account of the things which were said and read there. If any poverty should overtake you, cite the case of those holy men, Paul and Peter, who were more honored than any kings or rich men; and yet how they spent their lives, in hunger and in thirst. Teach her that there is nothing in life that is to be feared, save only offending against God. If any marry thus, with these views, he will be but little inferior to monks; the married but little below the unmarried.
If thou hast a mind to give dinners, and to make entertainments, let there be nothing immodest, nothing disorderly. If thou shouldest find any poor saint able to bless your house, able only just by setting his foot in it to bring in the whole blessing of God, invite him. And shalt I say moreover another thing? Let no one of you make it his endeavor to marry a rich woman, but much rather a poor one. When she comes in, she will not bring so great a source of pleasure from her riches, as she will annoyance from her taunts, from her demanding more than she brought, from her insolence, her extravagance, her vexatious language. For she will say perhaps, "I have not yet spent anything of thine, I am still wearing my own apparel, bought with what my parents settled upon me." What sayest thou, O woman? Still wearing thine own! And what can be more miserable than this language? Why, thou hast no longer a body of thine own, and hast thou money of thine own? After marriage ye are no longer twain, but are become one flesh, and are then your possessions twain, and not one? Oh! this love of money! Ye both are become one man, one living creature; and dost thou still say "mine own"? Cursed and abominable word that it is, it was brought in by the devil. Things far nearer and dearer to us than these hath God made all common to us, and are these then not common? We cannot say, "my own light, my own sun, my own water": all our greater blessings are common, and are riches not common? Perish the riches ten thousand times over! Or rather not the riches, but those tempers of mind which know not how to make use of riches, but esteem them above all things.
Teach her these lessons also with the rest, but with much graciousness. For since the recommendation of virtue has in itself much that is stern, and especially to a young and tender damsel, whenever discourses on true wisdom are to be made, contrive that your manner be full of grace and kindness. And above all banish this notion from her soul, of "mine and thine." If she say the word "mine," say unto her, "What things dost thou call thine? For in truth I know not; I for my part have nothing of mine own. How then speakest thou of mine,' when all things are thine?" Freely grant her the word. Dost thou not perceive that such is our practice with children? When, whilst we are holding anything, a child snatches it, and wishes again to get hold of some other thing, we allow it, and say, "Yes, and this is thine, and that is thine." The same also let us do with a wife; for her temper is more or less like a child's; and if she says "mine," say, "why, everything is thine, and I am thine." Nor is the expression one of flattery, but of exceeding wisdom. Thus wilt thou be able to abate her wrath, and put an end to her disappointment. For it is flattery when a man does an unworthy act with an evil object: whereas this is the highest philosophy. Say then, "Even I am thine, my child; this advice Paul gives me where he says, The husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife.' (1 Cor. vii. 4.) If I have no power over my body, but thou hast, much more hast thou over my possessions." By saying these things thou wilt have quieted her, thou wilt have quenched the fire, thou wilt have shamed the devil, thou wilt have made her more thy slave than one bought with money, with this language thou wilt have bound her fast. Thus then, by thine own language, teach her never to speak of "mine and thine." And again, never call her simply by her name, but with terms of endearment, with honor, with much love. Honor her, and she will not need honor from others; she will not want the glory that comes from others, if she enjoys that which comes from thee. Prefer her before all, on every account, both for her beauty and her discernment, and praise her. Thou wilt thus persuade her to give heed to none that are without, but to scorn all the world except thyself. Teach her the fear of God, and all good things will flow from this as from a fountain, and the house will be full of ten thousand blessings. If we seek the things that are incorruptible, these corruptible things will follow. "For," saith He, "seek first His kingdom, and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) What sort of persons, think you, must the children of such parents be? What the servants of such masters? What all others who come near them? Will not they too eventually be loaded with blessings out of number? For generally the servants also have their characters formed after their master's, and are fashioned after their humors, love the same objects, which they have been taught to love, speak the same language, and engage with them in the same pursuits. If thus we regulate ourselves, and attentively study the Scriptures, in most things we shall derive instruction from them. And thus shall be able to please God, and to pass through the whole of the present life virtuously, and to attain those blessings which are promised to those that love Him, of which God grant that we may all be counted worthy, through the grace and lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, with Whom, together with the Holy Ghost, be unto the Father, glory, power, and honor, now, and ever, through all ages. Amen.
[415] [Compare what Paul says in 1 Cor. xi. 8 and 12.--G.A.]
[416] [He refers to Adam's marrying Eve.--G.A.]
[417] [That is, he did not confine marriage to woman with woman.--G.A.]
[418] [There is another reading which applies these words to the man, as follows: sustellon heauton kai sunagon, "that he might not, by contracting himself and making all center in himself, be cut off from the rest," instead of sustellousa, etc.--G.A.]
[419] hopla.
[420] ["hos expresses the mode of view in which the wives are to regard their obedience towards their husbands, namely, as rendered to the Lord.'"--Meyer. In Luke xiv. 26 the absolute is put for the relative, as elsewhere often, and this explains our author's difficulty.--G.A.]
[421] [This "but" is by no means easy of explanation, but probably is to be understood thus: He is the saviour of the body that man certainly is not, "but, nevertheless," as the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands, etc.--Ellicott, Meyer, Bengel, Calvin, and Alford.--G.A.]
[422] ["If you put all the arguments of orators together, you will not persuade husband and wife to mutual affection as Paul does in this place."--Bugenhagen, quoted by Meyer.--G.A.]
[423] ["The word' (rhema) does not mean here the baptismal formula,' as Chrysostom holds, but the gospel,' and here stands without the article, because, denoting the word' kat' exochen, it could be treated as a proper noun, as nomos, &c. All special interpretations, except that of gospel,' are purely invented."--Meyer.--G.A.]
[424] [Note that Chrysostom here quotes the Old Testament Apocrypha as Scripture: akoue tes graphes legouses. Dr. Schaff says: "He accepts the Syrian Canon of the Peshito, which includes the Old Test. with the Apocrypha," &c. Prolegomena, p. 19.--G.A.]
[425] ouch hopos eutropos all' hopos euporos.
[426] [The words, "of his flesh and of his bones," are omitted by '* A B, by Memphitic version, by Lach. Tish. Treg. (text) W. & H., and by the Rev. Ver. without any marginal notice whatever.--G.A.]
[427] [Meyer: "For this reason,' namely, because we are members of Christ's body. Paul then applies what is spoken in Gen. of the union of husband and wife, by a typical interpretation, to the second coming (future, kataleipsei) of Christ, and his union with the Church, which shall take place at the Parousia." Ellicott says that Chrysostom's view is more probable, namely, that it refers to Christ's coming in the flesh. (See a little below, on ver. 32.)--G.A.]
[428] [This seems a distinct statement on the part of the Apostle, that the preceding words refer not to actual marriage of man and woman, but to the nuptial union of Christ and the Church. So Meyer. But Dr. Riddle, in the Popular Commentary, says this "mystical interpretation is unsafe."--G.A.]
[429] [Nevertheless, i.e., not to press the mystical bearings of the subject any further.--Ellicott. So substantially Meyer and Riddle.--G.A.]
[430] The Gnostics, Encratites (Schaff, Church Hist. II. p. 495), and other sects forebade marriage; vid. 1 Tim. iv. 3. Here the Marcionites seem to be intended, whom St. Chrysostom often mentions; vid. supr. Hom. xix. [See Schaff's Church Hist., Vol. II., p. 457.--G.A.]
[431] [On second marriages in the early Church, see Schaff's History of the Christian Church, Vol. II., p. 366.--G.A.]
[432] [This, according to the Septuagint, which has oupo men moi gegonen heos tou nun. & 233; de kurios mou presbuteros. The Rev. Ver., following the Hebrew, has, "After I am waxed old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"--G.A.]
[433] [The punctuation of Field: oude epelthen; ho aner, &c., is clearly not so good as that of the Oxford translator: oude epelthen ho aner, &c.--G.A.]
[434] [The Septuagint reads, hosepi to auto eglukanas edesmata, and this Chrysostom, not knowing Hebrew, follows. The Rev. Ver. has "We took sweet counsel together."--G.A.]
[435] So Demosthenes says of Midias, kai eis musteria ten gunaika agei, kan allose poi bouletai, epi tou leukou zeugous tou ek Sikuonos. Dem. in Mid. p. 565.
[436] [In Hom. XII. on 1 Cor. iv. 10, Chrysostom says, "But when marriages are solemnized, dancing and cymbals and flutes and shameful words and songs and drunkenness and revelings and the Devil's great heap of trash are introduced." And much more to the same effect and in great detail.--G.A.]
[437] asmaton keklasmenon.
[438] [The well-known beggar of Ithaca, the home of Ulysses. He was the messenger of the suitors of Penelope. See Odys. Bk. xviii. 1-125. Later, his name was used as an appellation, "an Irus, a beggar." Liban. i. 568.--Liddell and Scott.--G.A.]
[439] mikropsuchia.
[440] [For a picture of family life drawn by Clement of Alexandria, and another drawn by Tertullian, see Schaff, Church History, Vol. II., p. 364.--G.A.]