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was in, I was bemoaning myself before the Lord, and the Lord was pleased to bring that scripture to my remembrance in John xvi., ' I will give you that joy that no man taketh from you.' And then I thought with myself that it was Christ that I did want, and not joy. But the Lord brought that scripture to me that Christ was tidings of great joy, Luke ii. 10, 11 ; and I thought, how could this be to such a poor wretch as I was, and the Lord was pleased to bring that scripture to my mind, that he looked not as man looked, 1 Sam. xvi. 7, and that he was God and not man, Hosea xi. 9 ; and by this means he took away all my fears. And then the Lord did help me to discern that this was a mystery indeed, and did so quiet my heart that all the world seemed as nothing unto me. For I never heard such a voice before, blessed be his name. And then the people of Grod would have me come into fellowship with them, and soon after I was admitted a babe in Christ among them. Afterwards being to hear Mr Cotton on 1 Pet. ii. 2, ' As new-born babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow tliereby ;' and from thence he shewed that if it were a living babe it would cry out for nourishment, and that the soul that did once really taste of Christ was never satisfied, but would still be crying out for more and more of Christ. When such a soul came to any ordinance as hearing, prayer, the Lord's supper, and did get nothing of Christ, they were all as lost ordinances to it.
It so fell out that the next Lord's day was the day of sitting down at the Lord's table, and the Lord did put it into my thoughts that if we received nothing but a piece of bread and a sip of wine, it would be but a poor empty thing ; and so the Lord did help me to beg that if what he had been pleased to speak to my soul before were a true manifestation of himself, that he would be pleased to speak again unto my soul, for a threefold cord is not easily broken, Eccles. iv. 12. Being at the ordinance, the bread and wine coming about, I was thus sighing unto the Lord, What ! shall I have nothing but a bit of bread and a sip of wine this day ? and the Lord was pleased to bring that scripture to my mind : John vi. 55, ' For my flesh is meat in- deed, and my blood is drink indeed.' And so the Lord was pleased to give something more of himself to my poor soul at that time. After this, a sad providence attended one of my neighbours. I was full of fears that her condition might be mine ; but the Lord brought that scripture to my mind : Jer. xxix. 11, ' For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end ;' and thereby the Lord stayed ray heart in trusting upon himself, and giving me a safe delivery. And being up again, I went to hear Mr Cotton, and he was shewing what assurance was, and how happy that soul was that could say as Job did, chap. xix. 25 ; and with David, Ps. cxix. 89, ' For ever. Lord, thy word is settled in the heavens ;' and so the Lord was pleased to shew me what a mercy I had that had assurance. Then I went to speak to Mr Cotton, to ask him what he thought of the work of God upon my poor soul, and he told me that he was satisfied that it A\'ns a real work of God. And he did counsel me to walk humbly and thankfully, and to take heed of grieving that Spirit of God by which I was sealed up to the day of redemption, and to walk humbly to-
456 EXPERIENCES OF MRS SUSANNA BELL.
■wards those that God had not revealed so much of himself to as he had to me. And then the Lord was pleased hy his providence to call my husband to come for England, and he did tell me that he should so order ])usine.ss that I sliould have less of the world to trouble me. I was glad to hear it from him, and desired him to go. And then the Lord was })leased to hel)) me to consider whether I had not got a better husband, and the Lord did quiet my heart in himself ; my soul being espoused to him, 2 Cor. xi. 2. After he was gone from me, we did hear of a war broke forth in England, and friends told me my husband would be in danger of his life if taken. I told them the best I knew, and the worst I knew ; and that if God should take my husband out of the woild, I should have a husband in heaven, which was best of all. And Mr John Eliot did visit me in his absence, and asked me how the Lord did bear up my heart in my liusband's absence ; and I did tell him that the Lord was as well able to bring him to me in safety as he did to carry him out. And he answeretl me, I believe the Lord will say unto thee as he did to the Canaanitish woman, Mat. xv. 28, ' Be it unto thee according to thy faith.' And the Lord was pleased to keep me, and all that 1 had, and to preserve him, and to bring him home in safety unto me. And then, instead of having less of the world, wliicli I desired, the Lord did cast in more of it. After this, my husband told me that he must go again to England, and I was very unwilling to it ; but he told me if he did not, the name of God would suffer. To prevent which, I consented, and it pleased God to bring him home in safety to me ; and in a few years after he brought me over to England, and God shewed much of his goodness to me.
At my coming asliore, he brought that scripture to my remem- brance, Deut. xxxiii. 26, 27, ' There is none like unto thee, 0 God of Jeshurun, who rideth upon the heaven in thy help, and in his excel- lency on the sky. The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.'
After it had pleased God to bring me back to my native country, I was much troubled that there was no better observation of the Ijord's day — it being our practice in New England to begin it at sunset the evening before, as it is recorded in Genesis ' that the evening and the morning was the first day ; ' and that scripture was brought to my memory, Prov. xiv. 10, ' The heart knows its own bitterness, but no man intermeddles witli its joy.' Many trials the Lord hath been pleased to exercise me with, but in the midst of all God hath made that word sweet to my soul, Isa. liv. 10, ' For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed ; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saitJi the Lord that hath mercy on thee.' It pleased the Lord after a year or two to exercise me witli much weakness ; but then lie made that word sweet unto me, Isa. 1. 8, ' He is near that ju.stities me: who will contend with me?' and that word. Job xv. 11, ' Are the consolations of God small unto thee? ' After these things, when I was in a very great strait upon the apprehension of some public dangers that seemed to threaten us, the Lord was pleased to bring to my mind that scrip- ture, Zech. ix. 12, ' Turn to your strongholds, you prisoners of hope.'
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