Use 2. By way of reflection upon ourselves.
Have we had any of these experiences? David found life in God's word, therefore resolves never to forego it or forget it. Therefore, what experience have you had of the word of God ? Surely at least at first
YeR. 93.] SERMONS UPON PSAOI CXIX. 439
conversion there was the work of faith and repentance, at first you will have this experience. How were you brought home to God? What ! have you had no quickening from the word of God ?
Case. But here is a case of conscience : Doth every one know their conversion, or way of their own conversion ? Christians are usually sensible of this first work. There is so much bitter sorrow, and after- wards so much rejoicing of ho[)e which doth accompany, that surely this should not be strange. But though you have not been so wary to mark God's dealings with you, and the particular quickenings of your souls, yet at least when the Lord raised you out of your security, and brought you home to himself, you should have remembered it: 1 Thes. i. 9, 'They themselves show of us what manner of entering we had unto you.' The entrance usually is known, though afterward the work be carried on with less observation. Growth is not so sen- sible as the first change. God's first work is most powei-ful, meets with greater opposition, and so leaves a greater feeling upon us ; and therefore it were strange if we were brought home to Christ, and no way privy and conscious to the way of it, as if all were done in our sleep. I say, to think so were to give security a soft pillow to rest on. And therefore, what quickenings had you then ? Can you say, Well, I shall never forget this happy season and occasion, when God first awakened me to look after himself ? Many of God's children cannot trace the particular footsteps of their conversion, and mark out all the stages of Christ's journey and approach to their souls, for all are not alike thus troubled. But yet, that men may not please themselves with the supposition of imaginary grace wrought in them without their privity and knowledge, let me speak to this grand case, this manner of entrance of Christ i'nto our souls, how we are quickened from the dead and made living.
1. None are converted but are first convinced of their danger and evil estate ; God's first work is upon their understandings : Jer. xxxi. 19, 'After I was instructed I smote upon the thigh,' &c. There is some light breaks in upon the soul which sets them seriously a con- sidering, AVhat am I ? whither am I going ? what will become of me ? And Rom. vii. 9, ' When the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.' The commandment, the law of God, breaks in with all its terrors and curse upon the soul by strong conviction, and the man is given for gone, lost and dead. You know the way to the bowels is by the mouth and the stomach, and so by other passages. There is no way to the affections but by the ear, then to the understanding, and then passeth to the apprehension, the judgment, and conscience, and heart; from the apprehension to the grammatical knowledge, then they come to the judgment, then to the conscience; and when con- science is set awork, usually there is some feeling.
2. Conviction, where it is strong and serious, where it is not levis et onoUis, it cannot be without some compunction. The eye affects the heart. Can a man be sensible of a lost condition, and of the necessity of a change, without being troubled at it, without making a serious weighty business of it ? Are heaven and hell such slight matters that a man can think of the one or the other without any commotion of heart?' — (pray do but bethink yourselves; I shall solve the par-
440 SERMONS UPON PSALM cxix. [Ser. XCVIII
ticular cases, but I must establish the general one)— especially if he be convinced of his being obnoxious to one, and doth not know whether he shall have the other, yea or nay ? Certainly whoever is instructed or convinced will smite upon his thigh and bemoan himself as Bphraim, Jer. xxxi. There is none ever came to Christ, the spiritual physician, but they were in some degree heart-sick ; none ever came for ease but they felt a load upon their back. If there be conviction and com- punction, this will be felt.
3. But then the degrees are various, some are more, some less, some earnestly solicitous, or deeply in horror. Some are brought to God by the horrors of despair, and are convinced with a higher and more smart degree of sorrow, before ever they come to settle ; but all are serious and anxious. There is certainly a difference ; some men's con- version is more gentle, others more violent. To some, Christ comes like an armed man, and doth powerfully vanquish Satan in their hearts ; to others, there is a great deal of difficulty and conflict, which must needs impress a notice of itself. Some are sweetly drawn, others are snatched out of the fire. To some the Spirit comes with a mighty rushing wind, to others by a gentle blast, sweetly and softly blows open the door. God opened the heart of Lydia ; we read of no more. Acts xvi. 14. But when he comes to the jailer, he had more horror of conscience, and more sorrow and desperation, and was ready to kill himself, saying, 'What shall I do to be saved?' ver. 31. The Lord bids us to put a difference, to have compassion of some, and to pluck others more violently out of the fire, Jude 23. So here, the Lord's work is various, it is to some more gentle, but to others it is with a greater horror.