THE soul's coxflict. 233
Ans. 2. Secondly, if we could grieve and cast down ^oui-selvcs beneath the earth, as low as the nethennost pit, yet this uvidd be no satisfaction to God for sin ; of itself, it is rather an entrance, and beginning of hell.
Ans. 3. Thirdly, we must search what is the cause of this ivant of grief u'hich we complain of, whether it be not a secret cleaving to the creature, and too much contentment in it, which oft stealeth away the heart from God, and brings in such contentment as is subject to fail and deceive us ; whereupon £i-om discontentment we grieve, which grief, being carnal, hinders grief of a better kind.
Usually the causes of our want of grief for sin are these : — First, a want of serious consideration, and dwelling long enough upon the cause of grief, which springs either from an unsettledness of natui'e, or distractions from things without. Moveable dispositions are not long afiected with anything. One main use of crosses is to take the soul from that it is dangerously set upon, and to fix om- running spirits. For though grief for crosses hinders spiritual grief, yet worldly dehghts hinder more. That grief is less distant from true grief, and therefore neai'er to be turned into it.
And secondly, put case we could call ofi" our minds from other things, and set them on grief for our sins, yet it is only God's Spirit that can work our hearts to this giief ; and for this end, perhaps, God holds us off from it, to teach us that he is the teacher of the heart to grieve. And thereupon it is our duty to wait till he reveal om-selves so far to ourselves, as to stfr up this afiection in us.
Thirdly, Another cause may be a kind of douhleness of heart, whereby we would bring two things together that cannot suit. We would giieve for sin so far as we think it an evidence of a. good condition ; but then because it is an irksome task, and because it cannot be wi'ought without severing our heart fi-om those sweet delights it is set upon ; hence we are loath God should take that course to work grief, which crosseth om* disposition. The soul must therefore, by self-denial, be brought to such a degree of sincerity and simplicity as to be willing to give God leave to work this ' son-ow, not to be sorrowed for,' 2 Cor. vii. 10, by what way he himself pleaseth. But here we must remember again that this self-denial is not of om'selves, but of God, who only can take us out of om-selves, and if our hearts were brought to a stooping herein to his work, it would stop many a cross, and continue many a blessing which God is forced to take fr"om us, that he may work that giief in us w^hich he seeth would not otherwise be kindly wrought.
Ans. 4. God giveth some larger spirits, and so thcfr son'ows become larger. Some upon quickness of apprehension, and the ready passages bet^^dxt the brain and the heart, are quickly moved. Where the apprehen- sion is deeper, and the passages slower, there sorrow is long in working, and long in removing. The deepest waters have the stillest motion. Iron takes fire more slowly than stubble, but then it holds it longer.
Ans. 5. Again, God that searcheth and knows our hearts better than our- selves, knoivs when and in ivhat measure it is fit for to grieve. He sees it is fitter for some dispositions to go on in a constant grief. We must give that honour to the wisdom of the great physician of souls to know best how to mingle and minister his potions. And we must not be so unkind to take it ill at God's hands when he, out of gentleness and forbearance, ministers not to us that churlish physic he doth to others, but cheerfully embrace any potion that he thinks fit to give us.
Some holy men have desired to see their sin in the most ugly colours, and God hath heard them in their requests. But yet his hand was so heavy
234 THE soul's conflict."
npon them that they went always moumiBg to their very graves, and thought it fitter to leave it to God's wisdom to mingle the potion of sorrow than to be their own choosers.* For a conclusion, then, of this point, if we grieve that we cannot giieve, and so far as it is sin, make it our grief; then put it amongst the rest of our sins, which we beg pardon of, and help against, and let it not hinder us from going to Christ, but drive us to him. For herein lies the danger of this temptation, that those who complain in this kind think it should be presumption to go to Christ, whenas he espe- cially calleth the ' weary and heavy laden sinner to come imto him,' Mat. xi. 28, and therefore such as are sensible that they are not sensible enough of their sin must know, though want of feeling be quite opposite to the Ufe of grace, yet sensibleness of the want of feeling shews some degree of the life of grace. The safest way in this case is from that Ufe and light that God hath wrought in our souls, to see and feel this want of feeling, to cast our- selves and this our indisposition upon the pardoning and healing mercy of God in Christ.