276 THE soul's conflict.
The price of the pearl is not known till all else be sold, and we see the necessary use of it. So the worth of God in Christ is never discerned till we see our lost and undone condition without him, till conscience flies in our faces, and drags us to the brink of hell ; then, if ever we taste how good the Lord is, we will say, ' Blessed is the people whose God is the Lord.' Heretofore I have heard of his lovingkindness, but that is not a thousandth part of what I see and feel. The joy I now apprehend is un- utterable, unconceivable.
Oh then, when we have gotten our souls possessed of God, let our study be io preserve ourselves in his love, to walk close with him, that he may delight to abide with us and never forsake us ! How basely doth the Scripture speak of whatsoever stands in our way ! It makes nothing of them. What is man but vanity, and less than vanity ! All nations but as ' a drop of the bucket,' as the ' dust of the balance,' Isa. xl. 15, things not at all considerable. Flesh looks upon them as through a multiplying glass, making them greater than they are ; but faith, as God doth, sees them as nothing.
This is such a blessed condition, as may well challenge all our diligence in labouring to be assured of it ; neither is it to be attained or maintained without the strength and prime of our care. I speak especially of, and in regard of, the sense and comfoii of it. For the sense of God's favour will not be kept without keeping him in our best affections above all things in the world, without keeping of our hearts always close and near to him, which cannot be, without keeping a most narrow watch over our loose and unsettled hearts, that are ready to stray from God and fall to the creature. It cannot be kept without exact and circumspect walking, without constant self-denial, without a contiaual preparation of spirit, to want and forsake anything that God seeth fit to take from us.
But what of all this ? Can we cross ourselves, or spend our labours to better purpose ? One sweet beam of God's countenance will requite all this. We beat not the air, we plough not in the sand, neither sow in a barren soil ; God is no barren wilderness. Nay, he never shews so much of himself as in sufiering, and parting with anything for him, and denying ourselves of that which we think stands not with his will. Great persons require gi*eat observance. We can deny om-selves, and have men's per- sons in great admiration, for hope of some advantage ; and is any more willing and more able to advance us than the great aU-sufficient God ? A Christian, indeed, undergoes more troubles, takes more pains, especially with his own heart, than others do. But what are these to his gains ? What return so rich as trading with God ? What comfort so great as these that are fetched from the fountain ? One day spent in enjoying the light of God's countenance is sweeter than a thousand without it. We see here, when David was not only shut out from all comforts, but lay under many grievances, what a fruitful use he makes of this, that God was his God. It upholdeth his dejected, it stilleth his unquiet, soul ; it leadeth him to the rock that was higher than he, and there stayeth him. It filleth him with comfortable hopes of better times to come. It sets him above himself, and all troubles and fears whatsoever.
Therefore wait still in the use of means till God shine upon thee ; yea,
though we know our sins in Christ are pardoned, yet there is something
more that a gracious heart waits for us ;* that is, a good look from God, a
frirther enlargement of heart, and an establishing in grace. It was not
* Qu. ' waits for '?' — Ed.
THE soul's conflict. 277
enough for David to have his sins pardoned, hut to * recover the joy of salvation,' and ' freedom of spirit,' Ps. li. 12. Therefore the soul should always be in a waiting condition, even until it be filled with the fulness of God, as much as it is capable of. Neither is it quiet alone, or comfort alone, that the soul longs after, no, nor the favour of God alone, but a gracious heart to walk worthy of God. It rests not whilst anything re- mains that may breed the least strangeness betwixt God and us.
Chapter XXXIII. — Of experience and faith, and how to wait on God comfortably. Helps thereto.
My God. These words further imply a special experience, that David's soul had felt of the goodness of God. He had found God distilling the comfort of his goodness and truth through the promises, and he knew he should find God again the same as he was, if he put him in mind of his former gracious dealing. His soul knew right well, how good God was, and he could seal to those truths he had found comfort by, therefore he thus speaks to his soul : My soxd, what, my soul, that hast found God so good, so oft, so many ways, thou 7ny soul to be discouraged, having God, and my God, with whom I have taken so much sweet counsel, and felt so much comfort from, and found always heretofore to stick so close unto me ! Why shouldst thou now be in such a case, as if God and thou had been strangers one to another? If we could treasure up experiments,* the former part of our life would come in to help the latter ; and the longer we live the richer in faith we should be ; even as in victories, eveiy foiTner overthrow of an enemy helps to obtain a succeeding victoiy. The use of a sanctified memory is to lose nothing that may help in time of need. He had need be a well-tried and a known friend upon whom we lay all our salvation and comfort.