The Christian soul saith, ' Thou art my God ;' ay, but he saith first, ' I am thy salvation,' Ps. xxxv. 3. As Austin saith, Non frustra elicit anima, Deus salus tua : when God saith, ' I am thy salvation,' it is easy for the soul to say, ' Thou art my God' (e). And this may teach us in our devo- tions, when we are to deal with God, when we are to bring to him any request, to desire him first to reveal himself to us, desire Christ to reveal himself by his Spirit to us. It is an error in the case of men's devotions. They think to bring something of their own strength, and to break in, as it were, upon God, without his discovery first. But Paul saith, Gal. iv. 9,
* We know God, or rather, are known of him.' We must desire that he
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■would make known his heart to ns first, and then we shall know him again ; that ho would speak to us by his Spirit, and then we shall answer to him again. That he would say to our souls, he ' is our salvation ;' and then ■we may lay claim to him, ' he is our God.' Desire the ' Spirit of revela- tion,' to reveal his bowels and love to us in Christ by his Holy Spirit ; for certainly, in every return of ours to Christ, God begins to us, all in all, though not sensibly. But we ought to pray, every day more and more, for a sensible revelation, that God would reveal his love to us in Christ. And we cannot but answer. If Christ saith, ' Mary,' Maiy cannot but answer, ' Rabboni.'
Obj. But you will say then. It is not our fault, but Christ's fault, if he must begin. If God begins, we shall answer.
A71S. I answer briefly, that God doth always begin to us, and is before- hand with us in all dealings with ourselves. He givcth us many motions, and never withdraweth himself from us, but when he is despised and slighted first ; therefore, let us take heed that we labour to answer Christ's call when he doth call. If we slight it, then in a judicious* course he ceascth to speak further to us, if we slight his beginnings of revelations. There be many degrees and passages to faith and assurance. If we do not observe the beginning, how God begins to reveal himself to us by little and little, speaking to us by his Spirit in our hearts when he begins, then in a spiritual judgment sometimes he leaves us to ourselves. And therefore let us regard all the motions of the Spirit, and all the speeches of the Spirit of Christ, for he begins by little and little, else our consciences will say afterward, we are not saved, because we would not be saved. We would not yield to all the passages of salvation ; but when he was before- hand with us, and ofiered many sweet motions, yet we loved our sins better than our souls, and so repelled all. Therefore, I beseech you, do not refuse the sweet messages from heaven, the gracious and sweet motions of the Spirit of Christ.f Make much of them. God hath begun to you, be sure to answer. Learn it of Mary. When Christ began, she set not her heart and infidelity against it, but she opened her heart, and said, ' Rabboni ; ' learn, therefore, the duty of spiritual obedience. When God speaks, * Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth,' 1 Sam. iii. 10. Do not shut your ears to the motions of God's blessed Spirit ; do not harden your hearts against his voice, but open your hearts as she did : ' Rabboni.'
Our Saviour Christ here saith, ' Mary ; ' but when ? After he had con- cealed himself from her a long time. It is not presently ' Mary,' nor ' Rabboni.' He had concealed himself a great while. Christ doth not usually open himself fully at first, though at first he doth in some degi'ee ; but he observeth degrees, as in the church in general. You see how that he discovers himself in his gracious promises by little and little ; darkly at first, and at last the Sun of righteousness ariseth clearly. So the day-star ariseth in our hearts by degrees. It is a great while before Mary heareth the satisfying speech of Christ, ' Mary.'
Quest. But why doth Christ thus conceal himself in regard of his fuller manifestation ?
It is partly to try and exercise our faith and other graces ; and therefore God doth seem to withdraw himself in the sense of his love.
1. To see ivhcther ire can live by faith, or whether we be altogether addicted to sense, as the world is, who live altogether by sense, and not by faith. * Qu. 'judicial' '?— G. t In margin here, ' AUoquenti Cliristo fideles respondent.^ — G.
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2. Tie u-oulcl have our patience tried to the ittmnst. He would have 'patience have its perfect work,' James i. 4. She had much patience to endure all this. But her patience had not a perfect work till Christ spake.
3. Christ will stir up and quicken zeal and fervency in his children; and therefore he seemed to deny the woman of Canaan, Mat. xv. 21, seq., and Mark vii. 27, 28 ; first, he giveth no answer but an harsh answer, ' A dog.' And she works upon it : ' Though I am a dog, yet dogs have crumbs.' All which denial was only to stir up zeal and earnestness. And therefore though Christ doth not manifest himself to us at first, yet it is to stir up zeal and afiection to seek after him more earnestly. A notable passage there is of this, Cant. iii. 16. The soul sought Christ, and sought long, and sought in the use of all •means ; but at length she waited, and in waiting she found him.