1 " Libera me, Domine, ab his hoatibus meis, a quibus me liberare non valeo. Per- versum et pessimum est cor meum, ad deploranda propria peccata mea est lapideum ct aridum, ad resistendum insultantibus moUe et luteum, ad iuutilia et noxia pertrac- tanda velox et infatigabile, ad cogitanda salubria fastidiosum et immobile. Anima mea distorta et dcpravata est ad percipiendum bonum ; sed ad Yoluptatum vitia nimis facilis et prompta, ad salutcm reminiscendam nimis etiam difficilis et pigra." — Lib. de Contritione Cordis, inter opera August, cap. iv.
CHAP. VI.] IN THE INSTANCE OF AUGUSTINE. S55
fecerat et constrinxerat me. Quippe ex voluntate perversa facta est libido, et dum servitur libidini, facta est consuetude ; et dum consue- tudini non resistitur, facta est necessitas. Quibus quasi ansulis sibi- met innexis, unde cateuam appellavi, tenebat me obstrictum dura servitus.'' And he shows how faint and languid his endeavours were for reformation and amendment : " Sarcina sseculi, velut somno adsolet, dulciter premebar, et cogitationes quibus meditabar in te, similes erant conatibus expergisci volentium, qui tamen superati soporis altitudine remerguntur." And he confesseth that although, through the urgency of his convictions, he could not but pray that he might be freed from the power of sin, yet, through the prevalency of that power in him, he had a secret reserve and desire not to part with that sin which he prayed against, cap, 7 : " Petieram a te casti- tatem et dixeram. Da mihi castitatem et contiuentiam, sed noli modo. Timebam enim ne me cito exaudires, et cito sanares a morbo concu- piscentise, quam malebam expleri quam extingui."
[2.] These endeavours do arise unto great perplexities and dis- tresses; for after a while, the soul of a sinner is torn and divided be- tween the power of corruption and the terror of conviction.^ And this falls out upon a double account: — 1st. Upon some occasional sharpening of former convictions, when the sense of them has been ready to wear off. 2dli/. From the secret insinuation of a prin- ciple of spiritual life and strength into the will, whose nature and power the soul is as yet unacquainted withal. Of both these we have signal instances in the person before mentioned ; for after all the means which God had used towards him for his conversion, whilst yet he was detained under the power of sin, and ready on every temptation to revert to his ormer courses, he occasionally heard one Pontitianus giving an account of the conversion of two eminent courtiers, who immediately renounced the v/orld, and betook themselves wholly to the service of God. This discourse God was pleased to make use of farther to awake him, and even to amaze him. Lib. viii. cap. 7 : " Narrabat hoc Pontitianus ; tu autem, Domine, inter verba ejus retorquebas me ad meipsum, auferens me a dorso meo ubi me posueram, dum nollem me attendere, et constituebas me ante faciem meam, ut viderem quam turpis essem, quam distor- tus et sordidus, maculosus et ulcerosus: et videbam et horrebam, et
' " Vere abyssus peccata mca sunt, quia incompreheiisibilia profunclitate, et inesti- mabilia sunt numero et immeusitate. O abyssus abyssuni invocaus ! 0 peccata mea, tornienta quibus me servatis abyssus sunt, quia infinita et incomprchcnsibilia sunt. Est ct tertia abyssus, et est nimis terribilis ; judicia Dei abyssus multa, quia super oninem seusum occulta. IIa3 omncs abyssi terribiles sunt mihi undique, quia tinior super timorem et dolor super dolorem. Abyssus judiciox'um Dei super me, abyssus iut'crni subtus me, abyssus peccatorum meorum est intra me. 111am qute super me est timeo ne in me irruat ; et me cum aliysso mea, in illam qute subtus me latet, ob- ruat." — Lib. de Contritione Cordis, inter opera August, cap. ix.
So 6 THE MANNER OF CONVERSION EXPLAINED [BOOK III.
quo a me fugerem non erat. Et si conabar a me avertere aspectum narrabat ille quod narrabat, et tu me rnrsus opponebas mihi, et im- pingebas me in oculos meos, ut invenirem iniquitatem meam et odissem/' And a little after, " Ita rodebar intus et confundebar pudore liorribili vebementer, cum Pontitianus talia loqueretur." The substance of what lie says is, that in and by that discourse of Pon- titianus, God held him to the consideration of himself, caused him to see and behold his own filth and vileness, until he was horribly per- plexed and confounded in himself So it often falls out in this work of the Spirit of God. When his first warnings are not complied withal, when the light he communicates is not improved, upon the return of them they shall be mixed with some sense of severity.
This effect, I say, proceeds from hence, that under this work God is pleased secretly to communicate a 'principle of grace or spiritual life unto the will. This, therefore, being designed to rule and bear sway in the soul, begins its conflict effectually to eject sin out of its throne and dominion ; for whereas, when we come under the power of grace, sin can no longer liave dominion over us, Kom. vi. 14; so the Spirit begins now to " lust against the flesh," as Gal. v. 17, aim- ing at and intending a complete victory or conquest. There was, upon bare conviction, a contest before in the soul, but it was merely between the mind and conscience on the one hand, and the will on the other. The will was still absolutely bent on sin, only some head was made against its inclinations by the light of the mind before sin, and rebukes of conscience after it ; but the conflict begins now to be in the will itself. A new principle of grace being infused thereinto, opposeth those habitual inclinations unto evil which were before predominant in it. This fills the mind with amazement, and in some brings them to the very door of despair, because they see not how nor when they shall be delivered. So was it with the person instanced in. Lib. viii. cap. 5 : " Voluntas nova quae mihi esse coe- perat, ut te gratis colerem fruique te vellem, Deus, sola certa jucun- ditas, nondum erat idonea ad superandam priorem vetustate robora- tarn. Ita duse voluntates mese, una vetus, alia nova, ilia carnalis, ilia spiritualis, confligebant inter se, atque discordando dissipabant animam meam. Sic intelligebam in me ipso experimento id quod legeram, quomodo ' caro concupisceret adversus Spiritum, et Spiritus adversus carnem.' Ego quidem in utroque, sed magis ego in eo quod in me approbabam quam in eo quod in me improbabam. Ibi enim magis jam non ego, quia ex magna parte id patiebar invitus, quod faciebam volens ;" — " The new will which began to be in me, whereby I would love thee, O my God, the only certain sweetness, was not yet able to overcome my former will, confirmed by long continuance. So my two wills, the one old, the other new, the one carnal, the other