CHAP. VI.] IN THE INSTANCE OF AUGUSTINE. S57
spiritual, conflicted between themselves, and rent my sonl by their disagreement. Then did I understand by experience in myself what I had read, how 'the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh." I was myself on both sides, but more in that which I approved in myself than in what I condemned in my- self. I was not more in that which I condemned, because for the most part I suffered it unwillingly, rather than did it willingly." This conflict between grace and sin in the will he most excellently expresseth, cap. 9-11, delivering those things which more or less are evident in the experience of those who have passed through this work. His fluctuations, his promises, his hopes and fears, the ground he got and lost, the pangs of conscience and travail of soul which he underwent in the new birth, are all of them graphically represented by hiin.
In this tumult and distress of the soul, God oftentimes quiets it by some suitable word of truth, administered unto it either in the preaching of the gospel, or by some other means disposed in his pro- vidence unto the same end. In the midst of this storm and dis- order, he comes and says, "Peace, he still;" for, together with his word, he communicates some influence of his grace that shall break the rebellious strength, and subdue the power of sin, and give the mind satisfaction in a full resolution for its everlasting relinquish- ment. So was it with him mentioned. When in the condition de- scribed, he was hurried up and down almost like a distracted person, whilst he suftered the terrors of the Lord, sometimes praying, some- times weeping, sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of his friends, sometimes walking, and sometimes lying on the ground, he was, by an unusual occurrence, warned to take up a book and read. The book next him was that of Paul's Epistle, which taking up and opening, the place he first fixed his eyes upon was Rom. xiii. 13, 14, "Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunken- ness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof." Immediately on the reading of these words, there was an end put unto his perplexing conflict. He found his whole soul, by the power of almighty grace, subdued wholly to the will of God, and fixed unto a prevalent resolution of adhering to him with a relinquishment of sin, with an assured com- posure upon the account of the success he should have therein through Jesus Christ. Immediately he declared what he had done, what had befallen him, first to \\\^ friend, then to his mother; which proved the occasion of conversion to the one and inexpressible joy to the other. The end of the story deserves to be reported in his own words: "Arripuilibrum. aperui, et legi Nee ultra volui
858 THE MANNEH OF CONVERSION EXPLAINED [BOOK III.
legere, nee opus erat; statim quippe cum fine liujusce sententise, quasi luce securitatis infusa cordi meo, omnes dubitationis tenebrse diffugerunt. Turn interjecto aut digito aut nescio quo alio signo, codicem clausi, et tranquillo jam vultu indicavi Alypio. At ille quid. in se ageretur, quod ego nesciebam, sic indicavit : petit videre quid legissem. Ostendi, et attendit etiam ultra quam ego legeram, et ignorabam quid sequeretur. Sequebatur vero, 'Infirmum autem in fide recipite/ quod ille ad se retulit, mihique aperuit. Sed tali ad- monitione firmatus est, placitoque ac proposito bono, et congruentis- simo suis moribus, quibus a me in melius jam olim valde longeque distabat, sine ulla turbulenta cunctatione conjunctus est. Inde ad matrem ingredimur. Indicamus, gaudet. Narramus quemadmodum gestum sit ; exultat et triumpliat, et benedicit tibi, qui potens es ultra quam petimus aut intelligimus facere," lib. viii. cap. 12; — " Having read these verses, I would read no more, nor was there any need that so I should do ; for upon the end of that sentence, as if a light of peace or security had been infused into my heart, all dark- ness of doubts fled away. Marking the book with my finger put into it, or by some other sign, I shut it, and with a quiet countenance declared what was done to Alypius; and hereupon he also declared what was at work in himself, wliereof I was ignorant. He desired to see what I had read ; which when I had showed him, he looked farther than I had read, nor did I know what followed. But it was this, 'Him that is weak in the faith receive;' which he applied unto himself, and declared it unto me. Confirmed by this admonition, with a firm purpose, and suitable to his manners, wherein he for- merly much excelled me, he was joined to me without any turbulent delay. We go in hereon unto my mother, and declare what was done; she rejoiceth. We make known the manner of it how it was done; she exulteth and triumpheth, and blesseth thee, O God, who art able to do for us more than we know how to ask or under- stand." And these things doth the holy man express to bear wit- ness, as he says, " adversus typhum humani generis," — to " repress the swelling pride of mankind." And in the example of Alypius we have an instance how variously God is pleased to effect this work in men, carrying some through strong convictions, deep humiliations, great distresses, and perplexing terrors of mind, before they come to peace and rest; leading others gently and quietly, without any visi- ble disturbances, unto the saving knowledge of himself by Jesus Christ.