66. After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon me, _But how if the day of grace should be past and gone_? How if you have overstood the time of mercy? Now I remember that one day, as I was walking in the country, I was much in the thoughts of this, _But how if the day of grace is past_? And to aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those good people of _Bedford_, and suggested thus unto me, that these being converted already, they were all that God would save in those parts; and that I came too late, for these had got the blessing before I came.
67. Now I was in great distress, thinking in very deed that this might well be so; wherefore I went up and down, bemoaning my sad condition; counting myself far worse than a thousand fools for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in sin as I had done; still crying out, Oh! that I had turned sooner! Oh! that I had turned seven years ago! It made me also angry with myself, to think that I should have no more wit, but to trifle away my time, till my soul and heaven were lost.
68. But when I had been long vexed with this fear, and was scarce able to take one step more, just about the same place where I received my other encouragement, these words broke in upon my mind, _Compel them to come in_, _that my house may be filled_; _and yet there is room_. Luke xiv. 22, 23. These words, but especially those, _And yet there is room_, were sweet words to me; for truly I thought that by them I saw there was place enough in heaven for me; and moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these words, He then did think of me: and that He knowing that the time would come, that I should be afflicted with fear, that there was no place left for me in His bosom, did before speak this word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby against this vile temptation. This I then verily believed.
69. In the light and encouragement of this word I went a pretty while; and the comfort was the more, when I thought that the Lord Jesus should think on me so long ago, and that He should speak those words on purpose for my sake; for I did think verily, that He did on purpose speak them to encourage me withal.
70. But I was not without my temptations to go back again; temptations I say, both from Satan, mine own heart, and carnal acquaintance; but I thank God these were outweighed by that sound sense of death, and of the day of judgment, which abode, as it were, continually in my view: I would often also think on _Nebuchadnezzar_; of whom it is said, _He had given him all the kingdoms of the earth_. Dan. v. 18, 19. Yet, thought I, if this great man had all his portion in this world, one hour in hell-fire would make him forget all. Which consideration was a great help to me.
71. I was also made, about this time, to see something concerning the beasts that _Moses_ counted clean and unclean: I thought those beasts were types of men; the _clean_, types of them that were the people of God; but the _unclean_, types of such as were the children of the wicked one. Now I read, that the clean beasts _chewed the cud_; that is, thought I, they show us, we must feed upon the word of God: they also _parted the hoof_. I thought that signified, we must part, if we would be saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in further reading about them, I found, that though we did chew the cud, as the _hare_; yet if we walked with claws, like a dog; or if we did part the hoof, like the _swine_, yet if we did not chew the cud, as the sheep, we were still, for all that, but unclean: for I thought the _hare_ to be a type of those that talk of the word, yet walk in the ways of sin; and that the _swine_ was like him that parted with his outward pollutions, but still wanteth the word of faith, without which there could be no way of salvation, let a man be never so devout. Deut. xiv. After this, I found by reading the word, that those that must be glorified with Christ in another world _must be called by Him here_; called to the partaking of a share in His word and righteousness, and to the comforts and first-fruits of His Spirit; and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things, which do indeed prepare the soul for that rest, and house of glory, which is in heaven above.
72. Here again I was at a very I great stand, not knowing what to do, fearing I was not called; for, thought I, if I be not called, what then can do me good? None but those who are effectually called inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh! how I now loved those words that spake of a _Christian’s calling_! as when the Lord said to one, _Follow Me_; and to another, _Come after Me_: and oh, thought I, that He would say so to me too: how gladly would I run after Him!