Wise. [Picture: Take note symbol] I can tell you a more dreadful thing than this: I mean as to the manner of doing the fact. {168c} There was about twelve years since, a man that lived at Brafield by Northampton, (named John Cox) that murdered himself; the manner of his doing of it was thus. He was a poor man, and had for some time been sick (and the time of his sickness was about the beginning of Hay-time;) and taking too many thoughts how he should live afterwards, if he lost his present season of work, he fell into deep despair about the world, and cryed out to his wife the morning before he killed himself, saying, We are undone. But quickly after, he desired his wife to depart the room, Because, said he, I will see if I can get any rest; so she went out: but he instead of sleeping, quickly took his Raisor, and therewith cut up a great hole in his side, out of which he pulled, and cut off some of his guts, and threw them, with the blood up and down the Chamber. But this not speeding of him so soon as he desired, he took the same Raisor and therewith cut his own throat. His wife then hearing of him sigh and fetch his wind short, came again into the room to him, and seeing what he had done, she ran out and called in some Neighbours, who came to him where he lay in a bloody manner, frightfull to behold. Then said one of them to him, Ah! John, what have you done? are you not sorry for what you have done? He answered roughly, ’Tis too late to be sorry. Then said the same person to him again, Ah! John, pray to God to forgive thee this bloody act of thine. At the hearing of which Exhortation, he seemed much offended, and in angry manner said, Pray! and with that flung himself away to the wall, and so after a few gasps died desperately. When he had turned him of his back, to the wall, the blood ran out of his belly as out of a boul, and soaked quite through the bed to the boards, and through the chinks of the boards it ran pouring down to the ground. Some said, that when the neighbours came to see him, he lay groaping with his hand in his bowels, reaching upward, as was thought, that he might have pulled or cut out his heart. ’Twas said also, that some of his Liver had been by him torn out and cast upon the boards, and that many of his guts hung out of the bed on the side thereof. But I cannot confirm all particulars; but the general of the story, with these circumstances above mentioned, is true; I had it from a sober and credible person, who himself was one that saw him in this bloody state, and that talked with him, as was hinted before.
Many other such dreadful things might be told you, but these are enough, and too many too, if God in his wisdom had thought necessary to prevent them.
Atten. This is a dreadful Story: and I would to God that it might be a warning to others to instruct them to fear before God, and pray, lest he gives them up to doe as John Cox hath done. For surely self-murderers cannot goe to Heaven: and therefore, as you have said, he that dieth by his own hands, is certainly gone to Hell. But speak a word or two of the other man you mentioned.
Wise. What? of a wicked man dying in Despair?
Atten. Yes, of a wicked man dying in despair.
Wise. Well then: {169a} This Mr. Badmans other Brother was a very wicked man, both in Heart and Life; I say in Heart, because he was so in Life, nor could anything reclaim him; neither good Men, good Books, good Examples, nor Gods Judgements. Well, after he had lived a great while in his sins, God smote with a sickness of which he died. Now in his sickness his Conscience began to be awakened, and he began to roar out of his ill-spent Life, insomuch that the Town began to ring of him. Now when it was noysed about, many of the Neighbours came to see him, and to read by him, as is the common way with some; but all that they could doe, [Picture: Take note symbol] could not abate his terror, but he would lie in his Bed gnashing of his teeth, and wringing of his wrists, concluding upon the Damnation of his Soul, and in that horror and despair he dyed; not calling upon God, but distrusting in his Mercy, and Blaspheming of his Name.
Atten. This brings to my mind a man that a Friend of mine told me of. [Picture: Take note symbol] He had been a wicked liver; so when he came to die, he fell into despair, and having concluded that God had no mercy for him he addressed himself to the Devil for favour, saying, Good Devil be good unto me.
Wise. This is almost like Saul, who being forsaken of God, went to the Witch of Endor, and so to the Devil for help. {170a} But alas, should I set my self to collect these dreadful Stories, it would be easie in little time to present you with hundreds of them: But I will conclude as I began; They that are their own Murderers, or that die in Despair, after they have lived a life of wickedness, do surely go to Hell.