About Christmas, when our money was reduced to a few shillings, I asked the Lord for more; when, a few hours after, there was given to us a sovereign by a brother from Axminster. This brother had heard much against me, and was at last determined to hear for himself, and thus came to Teignmouth, a distance of forty miles; and having heard about our manner of living, gave us this money.
With this closes the year 1830. Throughout it the Lord richly supplied all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain human prospect for one single shilling: so that, even as it regards temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting according to the dictates of my conscience; and as it regards spiritual things, the Lord had dealt bountifully with me, and had condescended to use me as an instrument in doing his work.
On the 6th, 7th, and 8th of Jan. 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord for money, but received none. On the evening of January 8, I left my room for a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord, though he had been so gracious to us in that he not only, up to that day, had supplied all our wants, but had given us also those answers of prayer which have been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for about five minutes, as to think it would be of no use to trust in the Lord in this way. I also began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone too far in living in this way. But, thanks to the Lord! this trial lasted but a few minutes. He enabled me again to trust in him, and Satan was immediately confounded; for when I returned to my room, out of which I had not been absent ten minutes, the Lord had sent deliverance. A sister in the Lord had brought us two pounds four shillings: so the Lord triumphed, and our faith was strengthened.
Jan. 10. To-day, when we had again but a few shillings, five pounds were given to us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all, told the brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have the kindness to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved brethren either forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring it in such small sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or five weeks. As I had stated to them, however, from the commencement, that I desired to look neither to man nor the box, but to the living God, I thought it not right on my part to remind them of my request to have the money weekly, lest it should hinder the testimony which I wished to give, of trusting in the living God alone. It was on this account that on January 28, when we had again but little money, though I had seen the brethren, on January 24, open the box and take out the money, I would not ask the brother, in whose hands it was, to let me have it; but standing in need of it, as our coals were almost gone, I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it; and but a little time afterwards it was given to us; even one pound eight shillings and sixpence.
I would here mention, that, since the time I began living in this way, I have been kept from speaking, either directly or indirectly, about my wants, at the time I was in need. The only exception is, that in a few instances, twenty years or more since, I have, at such times, spoken to _very poor_ brethren, in the way of encouraging them to trust in the Lord, telling them that I had to do the same, being myself in similar straits; or, in a few instances, where it was needful to speak about my own want, lest I should appear unfeeling, in that I did not help at all, in cases of distress, or not as much as might have been expected.
On February 14 we had again very little money, and, whilst praying, I was led to ask the Lord graciously to supply our wants; and _the instant that I got up from my knees_ a brother gave me one pound, which had been taken out of the box.
On March 7, I was again tempted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the Lord, and though I was not miserable, still, I was not so fully resting upon the Lord that I could triumph with joy. It was _but one hour after_, when the Lord gave me another proof of his faithful love. A Christian lady brought five sovereigns for us, with these words written in the paper: "I was an hungered, and ye gave _me_ meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave _me_ drink," etc.
April 16. This morning I found that our money was reduced to three shillings; and I said to myself, I must now go and ask the Lord earnestly for fresh supplies. But before I had prayed, there was sent from Exeter two pounds, as a proof that the Lord hears before we call.