The natural mind is ever prone _to reason_, when we ought _to believe_; to be _at work_, when we ought to be _quiet_; to go our own way, when we ought steadily to walk on in God's ways, however trying to nature. When I was first converted, I should have said, What harm can there be to take some of the money which has been put by for the building fund? God will help me again after some time with means for the orphans, and then I can replace it. Or, there is this money due for the legacy of one hundred pounds. This money is quite sure; may I not, therefore, on the strength of it, take some of the money from the building fund, and, when the legacy is paid, replace the money which I have taken? From what I have seen of believers, I know that many would act thus. But how does it work, when we thus anticipate God, by going our own way? We bring, in many instances, guilt on our conscience; but if not, we certainly weaken faith instead of increasing it; and each time we work thus a deliverance of our own we find it more and more difficult to trust in God, till at last we give way entirely to our natural fallen reason, and unbelief prevails. How different, if one is enabled to wait God's own time, and to look alone to him for help and deliverance! When at last help comes, after many seasons of prayer it may be, and after much exercise of faith and patience it may be, how sweet it is, and what a present recompense does the soul at once receive for trusting in God, and waiting patiently for his deliverance! Dear Christian reader, if you have never walked in this path of obedience before, do so now, and you will then know experimentally the sweetness of the joy which results from it.
Oct. 12. By sale of rags and bones twelve shillings sixpence. I copy literally from the receipt book. We seek to make the best of everything. As a steward of public money, I feel it right that even these articles should be turned into money; nor could we expect answers to our prayers if _knowingly_ there were any waste allowed in connection with this work. For just because the money is received from God, simply in answer to prayer only, therefore it becomes us the more to be careful in the use of it.
From Dec. 20, 1852, to Jan. 4, 1853, we had nothing in advance of our wants. Means came in only as they were required for pressing needs. But on the 4th January, we received, as stated under another head, the largest donation I ever had, of which I took six hundred pounds for the support of the orphans. These facts I state, in order to give a practical illustration that those are entirely mistaken who suppose that the work is now _no longer_ a work of faith, as it used to be in former years. It is true, we have now a larger income than we used to have in the years 1838, 1839, and 1840; but it is also true that our expenses are three times as great. We have no regular income now, even as we had not then. We ask no human being now for help; even as we did not then. We depend alone upon God, by his grace; even as we did then. Who is there in the whole world who will state that I ever asked him for help in this orphan work, from its commencement, on Dec. 9, 1835, up till now? Now, as we have no funds to live upon; as we have no regular subscribers or donors upon whom we could depend; as we never ask help from man, but God alone; and as, finally, we never did go into debt for this work, nor do we now: why is it not now a work of faith, as formerly? Will those who say it is not, place themselves in the position in which I was, when, at the close of the year 1852, I had not two pounds left, and about three hundred and thirty persons were day by day to be provided for, with all they need, and prove whether it is now anything else than a work of faith? But perhaps I have said too much about this. For every one, except those who are _determined_ not to see, will have no difficulty in perceiving that now, as formerly, one could only be kept from being overwhelmed in such a position by looking day by day to the Lord, and that not merely for pecuniary supplies, but for help under the numberless difficulties which continually are met with in such a work.
How can I sufficiently praise, and adore, and magnify the Lord for his love and faithfulness in carrying me thus from year to year through this his service, supplying me with all I need in the way of means, fellow-laborers, mental strength, and, above all, spiritual support! But for his help and support I should be completely overpowered in a very short time; yet, by his help I go on, and am very happy, spiritually, in my service; nor am I now generally worse in health than I was twenty years ago, but rather better.