While I was in this affliction, this great affliction, besides being at peace, as far as the Lord's dispensation was concerned, I also felt perfectly at peace with regard to the cause of the affliction. When in August, 1831, the hand of the Lord was heavily laid on me in my family, as related in the first part of this Narrative, I had not the least hesitation in knowing that it was the Father's rod, applied in infinite wisdom and love for the restoration of my soul from a state of lukewarmness. At this time, however, I had no such feeling. Conscious as I was of my manifold weaknesses, failings, and shortcomings, so that I too would be ready to say with the Apostle Paul, "O wretched man than I am!" yet I was assured that this affliction was not upon me in the way of the fatherly rod, but for the trial of my faith. Persons often have, no doubt, the idea respecting me, that all my trials of faith regard matters connected with money, though the reverse has been stated by me very frequently; now, however, the Lord would try my faith concerning one of my dearest earthly treasures, yea, next to my beloved wife, the dearest of all my earthly possessions. Parents know what an only child, a beloved child, is, and what to believing parents an only child, a believing child, must be. Well, the Father in heaven said, as it were, by this his dispensation, Art thou willing to give up this child to me? My heart responded, As it seems good to thee, my heavenly Father. Thy will be done. But as our hearts were made willing to give back our beloved child to him who had given her to us; so he was ready to leave her to us, and she lived. "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm xxxvii. 4. The desires of my heart were, to retain the beloved daughter, if it were the will of God; the means to return her were, to be satisfied with the will of the Lord.
Of all the trials of faith that as yet I have had to pass through, this was the greatest; and, by God's abundant mercy, I own it to his praise, I was enabled to delight myself in the will of God; for I felt perfectly sure that if the Lord took this beloved daughter, it would be best for her parents, best for herself, and more for the glory of God than if she lived: this better part I was satisfied with; and thus my heart had peace, perfect peace, and I had not a moment's anxiety. Thus would it be under all circumstances, however painful, were the believer exercising faith.
Dec. 31, 1853. During this year the Lord was pleased to give me L638, 11s. 81/2d.