Part 70

After having come to the conclusion, that, as far as I could see, it was the will of God that I should go, I began prayerfully to look at the difficulties there were in the way, which were principally these. 1. the New Orphan-House needed to be opened, and all the work in connexion with it was to be done before I could leave; because I could not judge it to be of God, that this work, which was begun, should remain unfinished, except absolute necessity pointed it out, as otherwise it would be a waste of money, a breach of promise to the relatives whose children were to be received, &c. I therefore asked the Lord to help me through all this work, which was not a little, before I could leave. 2. I judged it for various reasons important, not to leave the work of the Orphan-Houses, Day-Schools, &c., without leaving such a sum of money behind, as would, at least for about two months, defray the probable current expenses for the work, therefore a few hundred pounds I thought it desirable to leave behind, in order that the burden of the work might not be left upon the shoulders of my dear fellow-labourers. I had therefore by prayer to get this sum from the Lord, for the obtaining of which I had no natural prospects whatever. 3. Another obstacle in the way was, want of money for traveling expenses to and from Stuttgart, and means for staying there at least for a time, and that not only for myself, but for my dear wife; for I judged, for various reasons, that it was the will of God she should accompany me in this service, but principally because her health was not equal to being left in Bristol, with the responsibility of the work resting upon her in my absence. This again would require a considerable sum, I mean considerable for me, a poor man. The means I then had of my own as far as I now remember, were not enough, if they had been multiplied by fifty. This obstacle was to be removed by prayer. 4. One of the especial reasons for which I saw it to be the Lord’s will that I should go to Germany was, the publishing of my Narrative, at a cheap price (2s. for both parts), or to be given away gratuitously, so that the poor might have it. But this could not be obtained, except I published it on my own account, to avoid the publisher’s putting a higher price upon it. Then again, as so much expense of time was connected with printing it, I intended, if once I went to Germany, to print not less than 4000 copies; and what is even that number among the many millions whose language is German. But whence was the money to come for all this; an expense which, though printing and paper are very much cheaper in Germany than in England, yet I knew would cost between one and two hundred pounds. For this, then, also, I, a poor man, betook myself to the living God, being fully assured, that, as He had pointed out to me His will with reference to my going, He would also most assuredly provide the means. Nay, I had a secret satisfaction in the greatness of the difficulties which were in the way. So far from being cast down on account of them, they delighted my soul; for I only desired to do the will of the Lord in this matter. In honesty of heart, I had examined the matter, as standing before God. I wished only to know His will, that I might do it. I judged, it was His will that I should go to Germany, and therefore determined in His fear that I would go. When I therefore saw the difficulties, they cast me not down, but cheered me; for as it was the will of God, according to my judgment, that I should go, I was sure He would remove the obstacles out of the way; and therefore the greater the obstacles, the more abundantly plain the proof, that I had come to a right judgment, if they were removed by prayer; but if after all I had been mistaken, which I could not think I had been, then, the sooner I was undeceived the better. How different such a state of heart, from what it would have been, if somehow or other the love for a Continental tour, or the desire to go up the beautiful Rhine, had beguiled me: then I should not have liked to look at the difficulties, or at least I should have sought to have them removed by my own efforts. But as it was, I did nothing but pray. Prayer and faith, the universal remedies against every want and every difficulty; and the nourishment of prayer and faith, God’s holy word, helped me over all the difficulties.--I never remember, in all my Christian course, a period now (in October 1881) of fifty-five years and eleven months, that I ever SINCERELY and PATIENTLY sought to know the will of God by the teaching of the Holy Ghost, through the instrumentality of the word of God, but I have been ALWAYS directed rightly. But if honesty of heart and uprightness before God were lacking, or if I did not patiently wait upon God for instruction, or if I preferred the counsel of my fellow men to the declarations of the word of the living God, I made great mistakes.--5. A fifth difficulty in the way was, to find a sister, as matron, for the new Orphan-House, who, as far as I could see, would be suitable; for there were reasons why the sister, of whom I had first thought, could not be engaged for this work. This was no small difficulty in the way, not only as a point important in itself, but also because I could not proceed with the fitting up of the house, &c., till such a sister had been found.