I now asked her, as this matter concerning the remaining of the 5l. was satisfactorily explained, as far as it respected her own state of heart, what she wished me to do with the money, in case I saw it right to keep it. Her reply was, that she would leave that with me, and God would direct me concerning it; but that, if she said any thing at all, she should most like it to be used for the support of brethren who labour in the Word without salary, and who hazard their lives for the name of Christ. She wished me to have a part of the money; but this I flatly refused, lest I should be evil spoken of in this matter. I then offered to pay her traveling expenses, as she had come to me, which she would not accept, as she did not stand in need of it. In conclusion I told her, that I would now further pray respecting this matter, and consider what to do concerning it. I then prayed with this dear Godly woman, commended her to God, separated from her, and have not seen her since.
I waited from Aug. 9, 1853, to March 7, 1854, when I wrote to her, offering her back again the whole 85l., or a part of it. On March 9, 1854, just seven months after I had received the money, amid just nine months after she had actually given it, and ten years and nine months after she had made the resolution to give her house and garden to God, I heard from her, stating that she was of the same mind as she had been for years. I, therefore, disposed of the money, to aid such foreign missionary brethren as, according to the best my knowledge resembled most the class of men whom she wished to assist.
The reasons, why I have so minutely dwelt upon this circumstance, are: 1, If, as a steward of the bounties of the children of God, I should be blamed for receiving from a poor widow almost literally her all, it may be seen in what manner I did so. To have refused, on March 9, 1854, also would be going beyond what I should be warranted to do. 2, I desired also to give a practical illustration, that I only desire donations in God's way. It is not the money only, I desire; but money received, in answer to prayer, in God's order. 3, This circumstance illustrates how God helps me often in the most unexpected manner. 4, I have also related this instance, as a fresh proof, that even in these last days the love of Christ is of constraining power, and may work mightily, as in the days of the Apostles. I have witnessed many such instances as this, during the twenty years I have been occupied in this my service. Let us give thanks to God for such cases, and seek for grace rather to imitate such Godly men and women than think that they are going too far.
I cannot, however, dismiss this subject, without commending this poor widow to the prayers of all who love our Lord Jesus, that she may be kept humble, lest, thinking highly of herself, on account of what she has been enabled to do, by the grace of God, she should not only lose blessing in her own soul, but this circumstance should become a snare to her. Pray also, believing Reader, that she may never be allowed to regret what she has done for the Lord.
May 23. Yesterday I looked over the list of the 56 labourers in the Word, whom I seek to assist, in order to see to whom it would be desirable to send help; and, having drawn out a list, with the respective amounts for each, I found that it would be desirable to send out this week 327l., but I wanted at least 50l. more, to be able to accomplish this. Accordingly I gave myself to prayer, if it might please the Lord to send me the means. And now, this morning, in answer to prayer, I received anonymously from bankers in London 100l., which the donor desired to be applied for the current expenses for the Orphans, and for labourers in the Gospel at Home and Abroad. I took therefore 50l. for the Orphans, and 50l. for home and foreign labourers.
By the same post I received also from the neighbourhood of Shrewsbury 10l., the disposal of which being left to me, I took for missionary objects.--I have now the desire of my heart granted, being able to send out the full amount of what it yesterday appeared to me desirable that I should send to the brethren whom I seek to help.
Means for the support of the 300 Orphans, already under our care, sent in answer to prayer, from May 26, 1853, to May 26, 1854.
At the commencement of this period, there was in hand the balance of 117l. 10s. 9d. This was the visible support, in the way of pecuniary means, which we had to look to for 320 inmates in the New Orphan House, whilst often two or three days might call for such an amount as this. But we hoped in God, as in former years, and, by His grace, were upheld, and our faith was not allowed to fail, though it was not a little tried, as the following pages will show.