5. But is there no way to avoid the snare? Unquestionably there is. Our blessed Lord has marked out a plain way for his followers, in the words above recited. None who warily and steadily walks in this path, will ever fall into evil-speaking. This rule is either an infallible preventive, or a certain cure of it. In the preceding verses our Lord had said, _Wo to the world because of offences_. Unspeakable misery will arise in the world from this baleful fountain. (_Offences_ are all things whereby any one is turned out of, or hindered in, the ways of God.) _For it must be that offences come._ Such is the nature of things; such the wickedness, folly and weakness of mankind. _But Wo to that man_, miserable is that man, _by whom the offence cometh. Wherefore if thy hand, thy foot, thine eye cause thee to offend_――If the most dear enjoyment, the most beloved and useful person, turn thee out of, or hinder thee in the way, _pluck it out, cut them off, and cast them from thee_. But how can we avoid giving offence to some, and being offended at others? Especially suppose they are quite in the wrong, and we see it with our own eyes? Our Lord, here teaches us how: he lays down a sure method of avoiding offences and evil-speaking together. _If thy brother shall sin against thee, go and tell him of his fault, between thee and him alone: if he will hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, take with thee one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he will not hear them, tell it to the church; but if he will not hear the church, let him be to thee as an Heathen man and a Publican._
I. 1. First, _If thy brother shall sin against thee, go and tell him of his fault, between thee and him alone_. The most literal way of following this first rule, where it is practicable, is the best. Therefore if thou seest with thine own eyes a brother, a fellow Christian commit undeniable sin, or hearest it with thine own ears, so that it is impossible for thee to doubt the fact, then thy part is plain: take the very first opportunity of going to him: and if thou canst have access, _tell him of his fault between thee and him alone_. Indeed great care is to be taken, that this is done in a right _spirit_, and in a right _manner_.――The success of a reproof greatly depends on the spirit wherein it is given. Be not therefore wanting in earnest prayer to God, that it may be given in a lowly spirit: with a deep, piercing conviction, that it is God alone who maketh thee to differ, and that if any good be done by what is now spoken, God doth himself. Pray, that he would guard thy heart, inlighten thy mind, and direct thy tongue to such words as he may please to bless. See that thou speak in a meek as well as a lowly spirit: for _the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of_ God. If he be _overtaken in a fault_, he can no otherwise be _restored_ than _in the spirit of meekness_. If he _opposes_ the truth, yet he cannot be _brought to the knowledge_ thereof, but by _gentleness_. Still speak in a spirit of tender love, _which many waters cannot quench_. If love is not conquered, it conquers all things: who can tell the force of love?
Love can bow down the stubborn neck, The stone to flesh convert; Soften and melt and pierce and break An adamantine heart.
Confirm then your love toward him, and you will thereby _heap coals of fire upon his head_.
2. But see that the _manner_ also wherein you speak, be according to the gospel of Christ. Avoid every thing in look, gesture, word and tone of voice, that savours of _pride_ or self-sufficiency. Studiously avoid every thing magisterial or dogmatical, every thing that looks like arrogance or assuming. Beware of the most distant approach to disdain, overbearing, or _contempt_. With equal care avoid all appearance of _anger_, and though you use great plainness of speech, yet let there be no reproach, no railing accusation, no token of any warmth, but that of love. Above all, let there be no shadow of _hate_ or ill-will, no bitterness or sourness of expression; but use the air and language of sweetness as well as gentleness, that all may appear to flow from love in the heart. And yet this sweetness need not hinder your speaking in the most serious and solemn manner: as far as may be, in the very words of the oracles of God, (for there are none like them) as under the eye of him who is coming to judge the quick and dead.