Some passages in Livingstone's private Journal give us a glimpse of the more serious thoughts that were passing through his mind at this time:
"_March_ 3, 1859.--If we dedicate ourselves to God unreservedly He will make use of whatever peculiarities of constitution He has imparted for his own glory, and He will in answer to prayer give wisdom to guide. He will so guide as to make useful. O how far am I from that hearty devotion to God I read of in others! The Lord have mercy on me a sinner!"
"_March 5th_.--A woman left Tette yesterday with a cargo of slaves (20 men and 40 women) in irons to sell to St. Cruz [a trader], for exportation at Bourbon. Francisco at Shupanga is the great receiver for Cruz. This is carnival, and it is observed chiefly as a drinking feast."
"_March 6th_.--Teaching Makololo Lord's Prayer and Creed. Prayers as usual at 9-1/2 A.M. When employed in active travel, my mind becomes inactive, and the heart cold and dead, but after remaining some time quiet, the heart revives and I become more spiritually-minded. This is a mercy which I have experienced before, and when I see a matter to be duty I go on regardless of my feelings. I do trust that the Lord is with me, though the mind is engaged in other matters than the spiritual. I want my whole life to be out and out for the Divine glory, and my earnest prayer is that God may accept what his own Spirit must have implanted--the desire to glorify Him. I have been more than usually drawn out in earnest prayer of late--for the Expedition--for my family--the fear lest ----'s misrepresentation may injure the cause of Christ--the hope that I may be permitted to open this dark land to the blessed gospel. I have cast all before my God. Good Lord, have mercy upon me. Leave me not, nor forsake me. He has guided well in time past. I commit my way to Him for the future. All I have received has come from Him. Will He be pleased in mercy to use me for his glory? I have prayed for this, and Jesus himself said, 'Ask, and ye shall receive, and a host of statements to the same effect. There is a great deal of trifling frivolousness in not trusting in God. Not trusting in Him who is truth itself, faithfulness, the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever! It is presumption not to trust in Him implicitly, and yet this heart is sometimes fearfully guilty of distrust. I am ashamed to think of it. Ay; but He must put the trusting, loving, childlike spirit in by his grace. O Lord, I am Thine, truly I am Thine--take me--do what seemeth good in Thy sight with me, and give me complete resignation to Thy will in all things."
Two months later (May, 1859), a second ascent of the Shiré was performed, and friendly relations were established with a clever chief named Chibisa, "a jolly person, who laughs easily--which is always a good sign." Chibisa believed firmly in two things--the divine right of kings, and the impossibility that Chibisa should ever be in the wrong. He told them that his father had imparted an influence to him, which had come in by his head, whereby every person that had heard him speak respected him greatly. Livingstone evidently made a great impression on Chibisa; like other chiefs, he began to fall under the spell of his influence.
Making a détour to the east, the travelers now discovered Lake Shirwa, "a magnificent inland lake." This lake was absolutely unknown to the Portuguese, who, indeed, were never allowed by the natives to enter the Shiré. Livingstone had often to explain that he and his party were not Portuguese but British. After discovering this lake, the party returned to the ship, and then sailed to the Kongone harbor, in hopes of meeting a man-of-war and obtaining provisions. In this, however, they were disappointed.