_His last sickness and death._
HE now fell into a deep consumption; but, this messenger of God did not in the least damp him. Spitting of blood, was no ghastly thing to one who had his eye upon the blood of Jesus; faint sweats did not daunt him that had always such reviving cordials at hand. It was matter of joy to him, that he was now in hopes of having his earnest desires satisfied.
After he had been a while sick, a hidden dimness seized upon his eyes: by and by his sight quite failed; and there was such a visible alteration in him, that he and others judged these things to be the symptoms of death approaching. But when he was thus taken he was not in the least surprized; but was lifted up with joy to think what a life he was going to, looking upon death itself as one of his fathers servants, and his friend, that was sent as a messenger to conduct him safely to his glorious palace.
But it pleased the Lord to raise him again a little out of his fainting fit, for his Master had yet more work for him to do. Although his outward man decayed apace, yet he was renewed in the inward man day by day: his graces were never more active, and his experience never greater. When one would have thought, it had been enough for him to grapple with his pains, he quite forgot his weakness: and was so swallowed up of the life to come, that he had scarce leisure to think of his sickness.
For several weeks together, I never heard the least word that savoured of any complaint or weariness under the hand of God. Now was the time when one might have seen heaven and the glory of another world realized to sense. His faith grew exceedingly, and his love was proportionable, and his joys were equal to both.
It was a very heaven upon earth, to hear and see a man admiring God at such a rate. Those that did not see, cannot well conceive, what a sweet frame he was in, for at least six weeks before he died. His soul was almost always filled with those joys unspeakable and full of glory. How oft would he cry out, “Oh, that I could let you know what I now feel! Oh, that I could shew you what I see! Oh that I could express the thousandth part of that sweetness that I find in Christ! You would all think it well worth the while to make it your business to be religious. Oh my dear friends, we little think what Christ is worth upon a death bed. I would not for a world, nay for millions of worlds, be now without Christ, and a pardon. I would not for a world be to live any longer: the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery, make me tremble.”
When one came to visit him, and told him, that he hoped it might please God to raise him again. _And do you think to please me_ (said he) _by such discourse as this?_ No, friend, you are much mistaken if you think that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me. The world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgment. How poor a thing is it in all its glory compared with that world which I now live in the sight of! And as for life, Christ is my life, health, and strength; and I know, I shall have another kind of life, when I leave this. I tell you it would incomparably more please me, if you should say to me, “before to-morrow you will be in eternity.” I so long to be with Christ, that I could be contented to be cut in pieces, so I might but die and be with him. Oh how sweet is Jesus! _Come Lord Jesus, come quickly._ Death do thy worst! Death hath lost it terribleness. Death, it is nothing, I say, death is nothing (through grace) to me. I can as easily die as shut my eyes, to turn my head and sleep: _I long to be with Christ; I long to die!_
His mother and brethren standing by him he said; “_Dear mother_, I beseech you, that you would chearfully give me up to Christ; do not hinder me, now I am going to rest in glory. I am afraid of your prayers, lest they pull one way, and mine another.”
And then turning to his brethren, he said, “I charge you do not pray for my life; you do me wrong if you do. Oh that glory, the unspeakable glory that I behold! My heart is full, my heart is full. Christ smiles, and I cannot chuse but smile: can you find in your heart to stop me, who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of Christ? Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of my blessed Saviour are open to embrace me; the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom. Oh, did you but see what I see, you would all cry out with me, how long, dear Lord; come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! oh, why are his chariot-wheels so long a coming!”
A minister came often to him, and discoursed with him of the excellency of Christ, and the glory of the invisible world. _Sir_, said he, _I feel something of it; my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state; I can hold no more here. Oh that I could let you know what I feel!_