Part 117

_Secondly_, Whereas there still continued some fear upon a near prospect of it, I was much relieved by God’s promise, that we should _not be tempted above what we are able to bear_, especially when I recollected my former experience. I remember one day in particular, I was opprest with fear of death, when God mercifully suggested to me, “Hast thou not shrunk under the remote prospect of other trials, and yet been carried through them? Why shouldst thou distrust him as to future trials, who hath so often helped thee in time of need?” I then considered, it is no way proper that God should give his grace before our trial comes: but rather that he should keep us humble and dependent by reserving it in his own hand, and teach us to submit to his wisdom, as to the measure and time of performing his own promises. And I have ever since rested in this faith, that _the Lord is a God of judgment, and that blessed are all they who wait on him_; not doubting either his faithfulness as to the accomplishment of his promises, or judgment as to the right timing and measuring them, in proportion to our necessities. Hereupon I rest to this day; I dare not say I am ready to die; I dare not say I have faith or grace sufficient to carry me through death; I dare not say I have no fear of death: but this I say, there is sufficient grace laid up for me in the promise; there is a throne of grace to have recourse to; and there is a God of judgment, who will not with-hold it, when it is really the time of need.