3. Soon after he said, “I confess God has been beating me in a mortar this long time; but he has been doing much work. My soul is even as a weaned child. I am loosed from all my enjoyments. My heart is disengaged even from my dearest wife and children, but I have put them in a good hand.”
To a friend he said, “There is a sweet composure in the Lord. The beams of the house are, as goodly cedar. I am laying down my tabernacle to resume it again. O for grace to be faithful unto death! After we have gone through many things, we have still need to wait on God till the last. For _he that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved_.”
Then he said to the physician, “I fancy my feet are growing cold: yea all the parts of this body are going to ruin. You may believe a man stepping into eternity. I am not acting as a fool. I have weighed eternity this night. I have looked on death in every circumstance that is terrible to nature. And under the view of all these, I found, that in the way of God there is not only a rational satisfaction, but a power that engages and rejoices the heart. I have narrow thoughts: I am like to be overwhelmed, and, I know not where I am, when I think on what I am to be, and what I am to see. I have long desired and prayed for it.”
*Some time after he said, “O sirs, I dread mightily, that a _rational_ sort of religion is coming in among us, a religion that consists wholly in moral duties and ordinances, without _the power of godliness_, a way of serving God which is mere deism, having no relation to Jesus Christ and the Spirit of God.”
To a minister that came from _Edinburgh_, he said, “Come and see your friend in the best case you ever saw him in, longing for a deliverance, and hasting to the coming of the day of God. I sent for you, to encourage you to preach the gospel in an ill world, and to stand by Christ, who had been so good to me. This is the best pulpit that ever I was in. I am now laid on this bed for this end, that I may commend my Lord.”
6. _Saturday, September 20._ In the morning when a minister asked how he was, he answered, “I am composed, waiting for him.” He replied, “You see how kindly he deals with you: he gives you both heavenly exercise and heavenly enjoyments: he deals so tenderly with you, that you have little to do but to praise.” He answer’d, “I have reason to desire the help of all to praise him. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, magnify his holy name!”
To some entering the room, he said, “You are all very welcome. I am taking a little wine for refreshment. In awhile, I shall have new wine in the kingdom of his glory. I dare scarce allow my thoughts to fix directly upon it. I must look aside lest I be overwhelmed. But I must speak of him who hath done wonderful things for me, and kept me in a perfect calm. Verily, light is sown for the upright, and gladness for the true of heart. O when shall I conceive aright of glory! I cannot order my speech now, because of darkness! I long to behold it, but I will wait till he comes. I have experienced much of his goodness since I lay on this bed. I have found that tribulation worketh experience, and experience patience, and patience hope. And I have found the love of God shed abroad in my soul.” Then turning to his wife, he said, “My dear, encourage yourself in the hope, that under the conduct of the same captain of salvation, you will come thither also. Cast yourself and your family upon the Lord. Encourage yourself; God liveth. Blessed be my Redeemer, the rock of my salvation!”
*Then he said, “Who is like unto him? O, what has he allowed me this night! I know now the meaning of that, Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, ye shall receive it. The Lord hath even allowed me to be very minute in every circumstance. Many a day have I feared, how I should get through the valley of the shadow of death: but now I fear not. Blessed be God, who, since I laid down here, hath carried on a work of sanctification far in my soul, that makes me meet for heaven! Young as I am, I die old and satisfied with days. The child is going to die an hundred years old. I am like a shock of corn, fully ripe. But, O, I have been under a bright sun, in a day when the sun of righteousness shone, and I have had glorious showers.”
After a little silence he said, “I have slept, and am refreshed. And now what shall I say? I can say no more to commend the Lord; not for want of matter, but of words. Well, Sirs, you’ll meet with difficulties; but this may encourage you, you see God owns his servants own him, and despise what his enemies can do against them?――God has kept my judgment for the best piece of work I ever had. O what of God do I see! I never saw any thing like it. The beginning and end of religion are wonderful sweet.” One said, “God’s dealing with you has been very uncommon.” He answered, “Very uncommon indeed, if you knew all that I know. But therein is the excellency of his power seen, in that he maketh the weak strong.”