*“Well, all this is encouragement to you, to acquaint yourselves with God. All these soft cloaths are like sackcloth to me; and yet I have perfect ease of spirit. My breast and my stomach are drawn all together, as it were with cords; and yet the mercy of God keeps me composed. What is this? I could scarce have believed, even tho’ I had been told, that I could have kept in the right exercise of my judgment, under this racking pain. Whatever come of it, this is a demonstration that there is a reality in religion; and I rejoice in this, that God hath honoured a sinful worm, so as to be a demonstration of his grace. My dear friends, while I live, I must preach the gospel. He has given me awhile yet here, which ought to be reckoned precious, and so long as it lasts, my work is still to commend him. The word speaks, providence speaks in me; despise not the gospel under this new discovery. I am a sinner; shame belongs to me: worthy is the Lamb to receive glory.”
To two ministers who stayed with him while the rest went to church, he said, “If my head would bear it, I would fain hear singing. I do not find any change, and God has in some measure taken away my inclination to limit him, as to the hour.” He then joined in singing the latter part of the 84th psalm; and after singing said, *“I always had a mistuned voice, and which is worse, a mistuned heart: but when I join the temple service above, there shall not be one string of the affections out of tune.”
To some that came from church he said, “You have been in the assembly of God’s people, wherein communion with the Father and Son may be attained. These enjoyments are some of the most valuable to be had here, and the way to the rest which remaineth for the people of God. O how amiable are thy tabernacles even here! But how much more so above, where there is the eagle’s eye, that can see the glorious light, even the light of the Lord!”
*Then to the ministers he said, “When this trouble began, I expected no smile from God. I thought if I could steal away, creeping with terrors, to be plunged into eternity with a peradventure, it was fair. But he hath taken me out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock. I am nothing, less than nothing, a vile sinner; but mercy does all.”
In the night he caused the songs of degrees to be read, and said, “These psalms are so called (say some) because they were sung on the steps of the stairs that led up to the temple. And what fitter to be read to a poor sinner, that aims at climbing up the hill of God, where the great temple of God is?”
*8. _Monday, September 22._ At half an hour past two, he asked what hour it was, and said, “Early in the morning my friends shall be acquainted; for I expect this cough will hasten my deliverance. Well, well; I shall get out of the dark cloud; within a little I shall be in _Abraham_’s bosom; yes, in his, who carries the lambs in his bosom: and I am sure of goodness and mercy to follow me. O how good is he to a poor worm! Let us exalt his name together. It is the constant employ of all above, day and night. They see and sing; they have a clear vision. O when shall I see his face, who is fairer than the sons of men! Yea, who is brighter than the sun in his strength!”
To a minister he said, “Could I have believed (but I am an unbeliever) that I could have had this pleasure in this condition? Once or twice Satan was assaulting my faith. I waked in a sort of carnal frame, and I thought I had lost my jewel; but now he will stand by me to the end. *What shall I render to him? My bones are riving through my skin; and yet all my bones are praising him.”
After struggling with a defluction in his throat, he said: “This is a messenger from God to hasten me home. The other day I would have gone away without this glorious evidence of the grace of God. But this is more for my advantage, that I am thus tried and comforted. I said, Why are his chariot wheels so long a coming? But I will not say so any more. Yet a little while, and he that shall come, will come, and will not tarry.”
Then he said, “If I should say that I would speak no more in the name of the Lord, it would be like a fire within my breast.” And some looking at him as in amaze, he said, “Why look ye stedfastly on me, as though by my might or power I were so? Not I, but the grace of God in me. ’Tis the Spirit of God that supports me.”
To his wife he said, “Be not discouraged, my dear, at the unavoidable consequences of nature. ’Tis an evidence that there is but a very little time more, and death will be swallowed up in victory: the body will be shaken in pieces, and yet, blessed be God, my head is as composed as it was before my sickness.”