Saturday, December 21. My people having now attained to a considerable degree of knowledge in the principles of Christianity, I thought it proper to set up a _catechetical lecture_; and this evening attempted something in _that form_; proposing questions to them, receiving their answers, and then explaining and insisting as appeared proper upon each question. After which I endeavoured to make some practical improvement of the whole.――They were able readily and _rationally_ to answer many important questions: so that I found their knowledge to exceed my expectations.――In the improvement of my discourse, when I came to open the blessedness of those who have so great and glorious a God, as had been spoken of, “for their everlasting friend and portion,” sundry were much affected: and especially when I exhorted them “to be reconciled to God,” through his dear Son, and _thus_ to secure an interest in his everlasting favour.
*Lord’s-day, December 22. After my labours with the Indians, I spent some time in writing; and was much wearied with the labours of the day. I am conscious to myself that my labours are as great and constant as my nature will bear, and that ordinarily I go to the extent of my strength; so that I do all I can; but the misery is, I do not labour with that _heavenly_ temper, that single eye to the _glory_ of God, that I long for.
There were sundry persons of the Indians newly come here, who had frequently lived among the Quakers; and being more civilized than the generality of the Indians, they had imbibed some of the Quakers errors, especially this, that if men would but live according to the dictates of their own consciences, (or the _light within_,) there is no doubt of their salvation.――――These persons I found much worse to deal with than those who are wholly under Pagan darkness, who make no _pretences_ to knowledge in Christianity, nor have any _self-righteous_ foundation to stand upon. However, they all, except one, appeared now convinced, that this was not sufficient to salvation; since Christ himself had declared it so in the case of the young man. And seemed in some measure concerned to obtain that change of heart which I had been labouring to shew them the necessity of.
This was likewise a season of _comfort_ to some souls, and in particular to one who never before obtained any settled comfort.
When I came to enquire of her, how she got relief from the distresses she had lately been under, she answered in broken English,¹ “Me try, me try, save myself, last my strength be all gone, (meaning her ability to save herself,) could not me stir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ alone, send me hell if he please.” I said, But you was not willing to go to hell, was you? She replied,² “Could not me help it. My heart he would wicked for all. Could not me make him good:” I asked her, How she got out of this case? She answered still in the same broken language,³ “By by my heart be grad desperately.” I asked her why her heart was glad? She replied, “Grad my heart Jesus Christ do what he please with me. Den me tink, grad my heart Jesus Christ send me hell. Did not me care where he put me, me love him for all.”
¹ In proper English thus, “I tried and tried to save myself, till at last my strength was all gone, and I could not stir any further. Then at last I was forced to let Jesus Christ alone to send me to hell if he pleased.”
² In plain English thus, “I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all I could do, I could not make it good.”
³ “By and by my heart was exceeding glad that Jesus Christ would do with me what he pleased. Then I thought my heart would be glad although Christ should send me to hell. I did not care where he put me, I should love him for all: _i. e._ do what he would with me.”
*And she could not readily be convinced, but that she was willing to go to hell, if Christ was pleased to send her there. Though the truth evidently was, her will was so swallowed up in the divine will, that she could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful, provided it was the will of God to send her to it.