Thus though young in years, she contemplated her latter end, and applied her heart unto true wisdom, and is now reaping the vast advantage in a blest eternity. She was so exercised in the needful duty of self-inspection, as to discern the imperfection of her best performances, and utterly to disclaim every other hope of obtaining the divine favour than that built on the sure foundation, Jesus Christ and him crucified. An interest in his atoning blood, was what she sincerely sought after; being truly sensible of the necessity of being born again, before we can enter into the kingdom of heaven. She thought the time long ere she was admitted into the glorious liberty of the children of God; and would greatly deplore her own instability, levity, and want of earnestness, to which she attributed her Lord’s delay; but these things tho’ felt by her tender and enlightened conscience, did not appear to others. And the Lord was not slack concerning his promise, as her following experience proved, when he came suddenly to the temple of her heart, never to leave her more. Some weeks before her last sickness she told a friend, that she had been greatly led out in the meditation of death, that she formerly considered it as very dreadful, but had of late seen it in a different view: so that if it would please God to finish his work in her soul, she could be content, young as she was, to give up all that were dear below, in hope of receiving them again in that eternal day. A few days before her disorder seized her, being asked by a friend, concerning the state of her soul, she said, “she had a confidence that God would not long with-hold the blessing, that she soon should know his pardoning love, and, that she was patiently waiting upon him.” As soon as she was taken ill, (which was on the 10th of January, 1768,) she was asked how she found her mind? She replied, “Quite composed, that she believed the Lord had visited her in love, and that whether it terminated in life, or death, it would be greatly to her advantage.” During the whole time of her illness not a doubt seemed to disturb her, nor did she ever lose her stedfast hope, that if she was taken, the Lord would perfect his work in her soul. She was also endued with a constant spirit of prayer, and to all around behaved with the utmost patience and meekness. She seldom complained, and declared she had not a murmuring thought, tho’ she appeared to suffer exquisitely; her disorder being a putrid fever, with a sore throat, which mortified some days before her dissolution: it was likewise attended with a deafness that encreased gradually, till at last there was no conversing with her. She was also deprived very early of speech, which as she retained her senses, rendered her situation very trying, as well as deprived her friends of that profit and satisfaction, which might otherwise have been expected. But on Thursday the 14th, (before the disease had made so great a progress, tho’ even then her speech was thick, and her hearing dull) she desired the whole family, would come and pray with her, and to some of her friends made this good confession: that she had found Christ, that she loved God, knowing that he had first loved her, that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die; and that she experienced unspeakable, and till now, unknown happiness. From this time she spoke but little, except about two days afterwards, when she said to one who desired her to speak to her, that she was perfectly resigned to the divine will; this she uttered with difficulty, and could add no more. But tho’ her lips were thus closed to all below, it was evident, her heart was open to God in prayer, which was discernable from the frequent lifting up of her hands and eyes with great devotion; in this posture she sweetly yielded up her spirit on the 21st instant, at the age of near 17 years.
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An EXTRACT from her JOURNAL.
TUESDAY, January 1st, 1765, when I awoke in the morning, I found my heart raised in thankfulness to God for his mercies, in bringing me to the beginning of another year; and found my soul much in the same frame all the day. *O! may this year be spent more to the glory of my Almighty Maker and Preserver, than the last has been: and may every thought, word and work, tend to this glorious end.
Wednesday 2, I found a blessing while dressing, but lost it by giving way to levity; yet the merciful Lord restored it to me in the evening: blessed be his name.
Thursday 3. I found my soul in a dead, dull frame, with a great disinclination to duty, which I did not yield to, and tho’ I found no immediate blessing, yet I doubt not, but the Lord was pleased with my endeavours to wait upon him.